Tag: Self-help

I Forgive Myself

Some of you may recall reading about the story of my ex-boyfriend. It was a summary of what happened in our relationship, including the end. I chose to write him a letter expressing my feelings, one that I have zero intention of sending.

I received many kind and supportive comments, both here and on Medium, and I truly cannot thank you all enough. It meant so much to me to hear your stories, feel your love and support, and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone. There was one comment in particular that struck me and one that sends a beautiful message that we all need to hear.

The Comments

I was scrolling through the comments and my heart was flooded with love and warmth. I felt like I wasn’t alone, I felt like I was heard and understood. I felt grateful that I could release my emotions in the form of a letter and still have someone stand by my side. One comment, in particular, melted my heart and got me thinking. The comment mentioned that I should show myself kindness and make sure to forgive myself in this situation.

What a beautiful reminder! “Forgive yourself.” Two very powerful words. We spend so much time forgiving others and being kind and respectful to other people, which is wonderful, but do we do this for ourselves? We should be on the list of people that we forgive and are kind to, after all, we are all human.

The Wheels are Turning

I had to read this beautiful comment twice because it struck me. This lovely individual was right, I needed to cut myself some slack and forgive myself. As human beings, we tend to beat ourselves up over many things in life. If the same thing were to happen to a loved one, we most likely would respond with empathy and understanding, but when it happens to us, we are way too hard on ourselves. My brain started thinking of so many things.

I was reminded that I need to be kinder to myself. I spend so much time being kind to others, I should also include myself because I am deserving, every being is deserving. We are all human and we are all learning. No one is perfect. We get up every day and try our best.

Forgiving Myself

I began to think of ways that I could forgive myself regarding this situation. I forgive myself for not openly communicating, and for not knowing what to do to resolve the issues. I forgive myself for being human and having feelings that I couldn’t express fully and clearly enough. I forgive myself for not seeing the signs sooner, possibly due to denial.

It felt amazing to think about why I deserve forgiveness and kindness. This comment helped me so much with healing and moving forward. I did the best that I could at the time, and I learned a whole lot. If I ever find myself in this situation again, I will know how to handle it.

An Important Reminder

The words of others are extremely important. This is just one example of how others’ words can truly influence us. We must remember the power of words. It’s almost important to remember to show ourselves the kindness that we deserve. We are so quick to get angry and upset with ourselves, but we could all be in a better place if we chose to have the patience that we have with others for ourselves.

Thank you for reminding me that I am human and that it is okay to make a mistake. Thank you for reminding me that I too deserve the love, kindness, and forgiveness that I give so freely to others.

Every burden that we carry adds weight to our hearts and prevents us from true happiness. Is there something that you can forgive yourself for today?

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How I Overcame My Recent Writer’s Block

Writers indeed love to write, it becomes part of our souls, and most of us would feel lost without it. What happens when we no longer can think of what to write, or how to write it?

As writers, I am sure that many, if not most of us have succumbed to writer’s block. It may feel like you don’t know what to write, how to say it, a lack of motivation, just feeling blank inside your mind.

Causes of Writer’s Block

It seems that writer’s block creeps up on us during times of high stress, lack of sleep, when we are very busy, and even when we consistently write without giving ourselves a break.

In my mind, writer’s block is almost like a coping mechanism for our brains. It is a way for our minds and bodies to tell us to slow down and take a breather. Sometimes writer’s block may simply exist without a reason that we can think of.

My Experience

I have dealt with writer’s block several times in my life, including the most recent being within the last week. I love writing so much, I thoroughly enjoy it and it drives me to create more and more content. I often write at full steam because I have so many ideas and thoughts that I can’t seem to get them out fast enough.

Last week, slowly by slowly, my mind started thinking slower, my ideas didn’t come to me, or they didn’t flow. I would sit in front of my laptop staring at a blank white screen, my fingers ready to fly across the keyboard, but instead, they paused. It was almost like my brain wasn’t focusing. The passion was strongly there, but my brain was working against me.

I was in overdrive; I didn’t take the time to slow down and rest. I didn’t take the necessary breaks to allow my mind to recover from creating content and to keep up with life in general.

How to Overcome Writer’s Block

I have found several great ways that get me going again when my brain stops working in my favor:

1. Don’t force or fight the feeling. If you feel resistance from your body to write, then listen to it. Pushing yourself, in my opinion, makes writer’s block last longer.

2. Rest for as long as you need to. Make sure to do activities that help you relax, unwind, and rest your mind.

3. Try not to dwell on the fact that you are stressing about not writing. This will only make matters worse; you need to save mental energy for that next masterpiece!

4. Create a list of ideas or drafts that you would like to write about one day when you have the mental capacity and drive.

5. Get plenty of sleep and spend time outdoors! We can’t function very well on little sleep, also spending time out in nature is a great mood-booster and one that will help get your creativity flowing again.

Can You Relate?

Writer’s block can be very challenging, especially if it lasts for a long period of time. The most important thing is to listen to what your body is telling you and resist the urge to keep going and pushing through the feeling. Some persistence is great, but sometimes your body is telling you to slow down for a reason, partly due to being overloaded. Have you ever dealt with writer’s block? How did you overcome it?

Know that with everything in life that nothing lasts forever, sooner or later, you will be back doing what you love, and you might even come back stronger than ever!

How I Nip a Bad Mood Quickly

Life doesn’t always go the way that we want it to, unfortunately, and with that, our emotions and mood can change, sometimes dramatically from day to day depending on what is going on.

I am a very sensitive and anxious person by nature and when something happens in my life that is upsetting, it takes quite a toll on me though I am getting much better about this. I have found a few ways that have helped me kick a bad mood to the curb!

Before I Found a Solution

Going back to my younger years, I used to take every negative feeling and situation and internalize it. Getting out of a rut and trying to shake off a bad mood was a very difficult task to do. I seemed to hold onto being in a bad mood for much longer than I wanted to.

I remember feeling lost and not knowing what to do to help myself. I opted for quick fixes like having a dessert to instantly boost my mood, but my problems were not solved. One thing for sure, I knew that I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I started looking for solutions and I became really into self-help.

My New Approach

I am a huge lover of nature; it has the power to change a mood around quickly and can help us feel like we are so small compared to this big vast open space. Nature has a way of making us feel like our problems have just vanished as we focus on the greenery, the sounds of the birds, or the sight of water flowing down a stream.

Knowing this, I wanted to incorporate nature into my solution. I went to the store and bought a beautiful notebook and some fancy pens to keep the look interesting and vibrant.

Whenever I find myself in a place of discontent, I would go take a walk to calm myself and try to refocus my mind enough to eventually come back inside the house and try to work through the emotions.

After my walk, or even sitting peacefully outside for a bit, it was time to sit down and work through my thoughts and feelings.

Journal in Hand

I have found over the years that a bad mood will last so much longer if we do not talk about it, or let our feelings out in some way, shape, or form. The more that we hold something in, the more it tears us apart. The longer that we shove our thoughts under the rug and hide from them, the longer they haunt us.

I got my journal and my fancy pens, and I created a self-help exercise that I use whenever I am not feeling content. I will share it with you now!

  1. I write down all of my feelings
  2.  I list why I am feeling this way
  3.  I write down what options I have to tackle this feeling
  4.  I choose a solution from the options that I have created
  5.  I note what I can and cannot control in the situation

I have found that writing out my feelings and seeing ways that I can work through processing a negative mood can help tremendously. Just seeing it all on paper is an outlet and lets us realize that things may not be as bad and that we have more control over the situation than we think.

The Biggest Solution

The greatest advice is to speak your mind and let your thoughts and feelings flow freely, whether that be writing them down or telling them to a trusted someone. Sometimes our biggest issue and roadblock on our way to happiness is not having an outlet to share what is on our minds. We sit and fester in the thoughts that take over our minds instead of letting them out.

Being able to talk, or at the very least write about your feelings is of great importance. One needs to be able to vent and clear their mind to move past negative emotions.

I have found writing to be extremely therapeutic as are the journal exercises that I do. Whether you talk your feelings out or write them, it is a very critical step to moving past a bad mood!

I Am Now That Adult

I am often in a state of reflection, I find life and everything about it fascinating. I enjoy looking back and seeing growth, finding new ways of making life work for me, and I truly love learning about human behavior as I try to better myself every day.

The other day, I was with my children and an interesting thought popped into my head. I have found that once I had kids, my world has opened up even more and I realized many things after seeing them through the eyes of a child. Having children also brings me back to when I was younger, I often reminisce about those days!

A Thought

As a child, I remember looking up to adults as some sort of magical people that had all of the answers to every single question that I asked. They knew how to do and fix everything; they knew just how to help us when we didn’t know how to help ourselves.

I was fascinated by how much they knew and how they could handle any situation. I remember asking my 1st-grade teacher how she knew everything that she taught us. I recall asking my mom how she knew how to drive a car and how she knew where to go, it makes me laugh now, but children’s minds work so differently! I remember having a conversation with my dad one day asking him how he knew how to fix the broken appliances etc. in the house.

Full of Curiosity

Children are full of wonder; they want to know how the world works around them. I was very much full of curiosity and as an adult, I am even more so. Today, my curiosity for life, the world, and the people in it are much more in-depth than it was as a child, but very persistent, nonetheless.

I think having a sense of wonder about life, in general, is a huge motivator, it keeps life interesting as we make our way through our journey here on earth.

The Amazing Full Circle

As an adult, I look at children, including my own, and see their sense of wonder and amazement at the world around them. They are full of questions and are always searching for the how and why.

Anytime I experience something that brings me full circle, I sit back in awe. It’s one of life’s ways to show us that we are making progress and growth on this journey. I am now that adult that I once looked up to, I am now that “magical” person that has many answers and can pass on my knowledge to the youth of this world!

Dreading Something? Read This

There are many things in life that we go through. Some good, some bad, and some in-between. As human beings, we deal with many different emotions as we process the world around us.

One of the many uncomfortable emotions is dread. In other words, when we feel anxious or worried, it can take a toll on us and prevent us from living our best life. It can even impact how we view the world and the decisions that we make.

Are You Dreading Something?

You may be dreading an upcoming meeting, long-distance travel for a wedding, a doctor’s appointment, a difficult conversation with a loved one, or a project that you are due to start at work. Whatever it may be, feeling dread for a certain date or event to come around is a feeling that is tough to sit with.

As with many feelings, there are ways to help minimize the feeling of dread. There are ways that we can look at the feeling and the situations that evoke it to help us in life.

What Can We Do to Minimize Feeling Dread?

  • We can realize that feeling dread is just a feeling no matter how uncomfortable it is. We can sit with it, recognize it, acknowledge that it’s there, and then try to let it float away. A thought is just a thought, don’t give it too much power.
  • Analyze the situation. What could be the worst that happens if you have that conversation attend that meeting, and go to the doctor? This way you can see what is the worst that could happen. Often seeing this side can help minimize anxieties as we realize it isn’t as bad as it seems in our heads.
  • Look at the positives that could come from this situation. You might feel relief, and empowerment, you may feel stronger for having conquered your fear. You never know what you might discover or learn about yourself!

What To Remember

Oftentimes, the very thing that we have been dreading for days, weeks, months, or even longer ends up being so much better than we expected. Much of our worry and anxiety comes from things that haven’t happened yet, so the anticipation of an event or upcoming date on the calendar can send our minds spinning.

If you are dreading something that is coming up, as hard as it is, remember that it will pass. It may be uncomfortable and feel like a burden, but you will get through it, and it will pass just as everything else that you have gone through in life. Here is a little motivation to get you through a trying time, you can do this!