Tag: Self Help

What Lesson Is This Teaching Me?

Life tends to be up and down and all over the place. I am constantly looking for ways to better myself and make my life easier. There’s a little technique that I started using whenever something negative happens to me.

After experiencing something unpleasant, I used to sit and dwell on the fact that it was an annoyance to my day. Sometimes these situations would leave me in a bad mood for hours or even the rest of the day. I knew I wanted to change that. Life is too precious to hold onto bad feelings if we can prevent them at all costs.

Yesterday Was Stressful 

Monday just hadn’t gone my way, life is hard enough, but when there are added challenges in the mix, it is that much more complicated.

There was a huge issue that needed fixing and a very difficult conversation to be had with my best friend. Combine lack of sleep with a bunch of minor problems that all add up to feel like a bigger problem and you’ve got a recipe for a bad mood.

To be honest, I let yesterday’s events get me down. I was marinating in it and then decided that I needed to implement the technique that I’d been practicing.

My Thought Process

I didn’t work through the minor issues too much yesterday because I was too focused on the large ones. After giving myself time to go through the motions, I looked at each situation as a teacher.

The major issue that had to be resolved took over an hour and a half. During the whole time trying to remedy the issue, I felt so much stress and anxiety.

The dreaded conversation with my best friend filled me with sadness as we tried to work through the situation.

Look At It This Way

I am not the kind of person that bounces back from negativity very quickly, it usually takes me a while, but when I finally do get to that place, I feel so strong and empowered. Once I settled down, I examined each situation and what it taught me.

The huge issue that was once looked at as a great burden and waste of time and energy became a teacher of patience. It also became a teacher of trust. I had to be patient and trust that someone was able to help me no matter how long it took.

The conversation with my best friend that once had me feeling such sadness and feeling personally attacked was looked at as a teacher of communication and value. It required good communication from both of us to get through the situation that we had at hand, it also taught me that I truly value my best friend because, without that feeling, the situation could have just been brushed off and I wouldn’t have felt the need to have a conversation with her.

It Worked!

I felt so much better after turning these negative situations into positive ones. I saw these issues as a way to grow instead of something that would harm me.

Our minds are very powerful. If you are dealing with something in life right now, try to see what lesson there is to be learned. What is the situation trying to teach you? Perspective is everything!

Something Else to Chase

Growing up, I was always the kind of girl that loved to make others laugh and smile. I wanted to see everyone happy, and I would do almost anything to make that happen. Ironically, fast-forward to my teenage years and I was relying on others to make me happy.

As I got older, especially as a teenage girl, I started to lack self-esteem, a reality that a lot of teenagers face. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I knew that I didn’t like the feeling and I was determined to make it disappear.

I started trying to make friends with other people hoping that would help me with my self-esteem. I started looking for ways that other people could bring me happiness because I couldn’t seem to find it myself.

At one point, I almost felt reliant on other people to feel any sort of peace. I felt like I needed constant contact from my friends. I would start feeling anxious and sad when I was away from my loved ones. I truly felt at that point in my life that my happiness depended on the people around me.

I felt like a chaser. Sometimes people were there and sometimes not.
My mood would fluctuate according to this, and I was tired of relying on this unpredictable way of feeling peace.

When I became older, I was wiser and able to realize that happiness and self-worth need to come from within. While other people do bring lots of joy, it needs to start from the inside. True happiness cannot be obtained if you aren’t happy when you look in the mirror.

With this new knowledge, I started doing everything that I could to promote my happiness and sense of well-being. I started a gratitude journal, I started painting and writing, and I found other ways that made me happy like nature walks. I looked at myself in the mirror every morning and said one thing that I liked about myself. I watched my self-esteem and happiness soar.

It is natural to look to others for happiness and a boost of confidence but finding that within yourself is the greatest gift and will help you see the world around you in a different light. You will feel more in control of your well-being. I used to chase people and now I chase my dreams and goals!

Keep Your Mind on a Leash

I know that this title is a little out there and what I am about to say is ironic, but by “keeping your mind on a leash,” or in other words keeping tabs and having control over your mind and thoughts, it can really make for a more peaceful life. The mind is an extremely powerful thing.

Like many people, I deal with anxiety on an almost daily basis, it is very exhausting and really can make life quite challenging and unpleasant.  Over the years I have learned several techniques to try to minimize my anxiety and they do help, that is of course if I work at it and be consistent with it!

I’m sure that everyone has felt some sort of anxiety maybe during a test, before a presentation, meeting a deadline, gathering for a social event, having a fight with a loved one, these can all cause anxiety, however for those like myself, anxiety takes on a daily and persisting form.  There are times where I feel that my anxiety level is at a fair or good place and times where there is too much going on, my anxiety flares, and it feels like it’s consuming me.  I wanted to write this blog to give you some insight on what has helped me and hopefully it could help you too.

Our minds really do have so much power.  We must take great care of our mind and what we choose to “feed” it.  The thoughts that we think about ourselves and the world around us are very powerful even when not spoken.  If we make a mistake and we think to ourselves “I can’t do anything right,” if we close off communication with a loved one and think “They probably don’t love me anyway,” these are very damaging words and if repeated enough can cause you to actually believe these things about yourself to be true.

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Our thoughts and minds can run wild very easily if we let them.  When we feel anxious, when our mind starts wandering and our thoughts start racing and snowballing, it helps to put a stop to those thoughts right away.  The best way that I have found to do this is to negate, or counteract the thought that I am having. If the thought is “I always make mistakes,” negate that by thinking of everything that you’ve accomplished so far.  If the thought is “I am not good at relationships,” counteract that by telling yourself “Relationships are hard work, but are a learning experience and I am doing my best to better myself daily.”  We can be so hard on ourselves, other people tend to put us in a much brighter light, they don’t tend to see us the way that we see ourselves.  Replace negative and anxious thinking with “I can,” “I will,” “I am worthy,” “I am a good person,” etc.  Our minds can take a thought and run with it even if it is not even true at all.  Keep a tight watch of your thoughts and feelings. 

If you are like me, you tend to focus and worry about the future, we always hear that this robs us of the present and this is true, worrying about the future is not having control of our minds, we are missing out on what is right in front of us if we are thinking of something not yet here.  It is important to think and plan for the future, but not obsessively.  Life changes so much and so often and many times what we are worried about today may not even take place, or may not even be a worry in the future.  We can really get ahead of ourselves if we let it.  

By no means are these tips easy, I struggle daily with trying to implement these, but there is some definite relief and it is absolutely worth the try! Wishing you a peaceful and beautiful week, as always thank you so much for stopping by!

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Trust in Timing!

     Have you ever had a certain event happen in your life that when you looked back so many smaller events had to take place for that one event to occur?  There are so many instances in my life where things either came together or fell apart and it wasn’t until later, sometimes much later in life that I realized why.  Looking back on life, it all seems to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. 

        I’m sure that many of us have felt, or still may feel like certain things may never happen.  We often hear people saying things like “I’ll never get married,” “I’ll never have kids,” “I will never land my dream job,” etc.  We spend so many hours, days, months, years wishing and hoping.  It is true that in some cases we may not always be able to obtain what we desire and that is really difficult to accept, however many times though we eventually get our heart’s desires even if the timing was not what we had planned.

           Though some of you may disagree, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that what is meant to be will always find its way.  We may want something so badly, but it is not yet in our timing to receive it.  It’s difficult to wait patiently for things that we desire and it can cause a lot of anxiety to wonder if our desires will ever come true, but one thing for sure, the older I get, I realize that things truly do seem to happen as they should. 

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           I am a very deep thinker and feeler and I love to sit and think and ponder about life.  I often think how so many things had to come together so perfectly to end up where I am now in my life.  The times that really wore on me and tried me, made me stronger and wiser.  Everyone sees life differently and has their own experiences and beliefs and it’s easier to see this reflection when you have come out of the tunnel versus when you are in it. 

           Life is definitely a crazy ride, a crazy journey, and it is beautiful in it’s own way.  If one can really tune into the meaning of life, the good and the bad, it makes it that much more precious.  Thank you all for reading as always and I wish each and every one of you all of your heart’s desires!

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