When I was a young girl, I changed schools very often. My family moved many times during my school years for different reasons.
I enjoyed moving and getting to experience different people, surroundings, and schools, but it also left me alone a lot of the time when I first started at a new school.
I have memories of eating alone at the lunch table, being picked last in gym class, and just feeling in general like I had no one on my side.
I was an outgoing child, but a very shy and anxious teen. I was embarrassed to be alone, and I felt like it meant that something was wrong with me.
I recall trying to enjoy my lunch in the cafeteria, but at the same time being too distracted from looking around to see if anyone saw me alone.
Alone, But Not Lonely
I didn’t mind being alone, and I didn’t feel lonely, but like a lot of kids, I was worried about what others thought of me.
In my head, I could hear them thinking “what’s wrong with her?” “Why is she eating alone?” “Does she have friends?”
As I grew older, I started becoming more confident in myself and I slowly broke out of my shell.
I found it easier to communicate and being around others felt more natural. I didn’t let my anxiety take over as I had in the past.
As I matured, I felt like the true me was coming out and I was finally enjoying life!
Fast-forward to my young adult and adult years and although I love socializing and being with others, I crave alone time and I need a lot of it!
Ironically, the very thing that had me anxious and embarrassed, is now the one thing that I constantly crave.
Although I don’t like to admit this, I am guilty of turning down a social event or two. I don’t get much time to myself at all these days, and I enjoy having a moment to be in my own company to reflect on life. I try hard to balance this because my loved ones are very important to me.
I feel as though there is a stigma of being alone or wanting to be alone. I used to wonder how people could travel or eat at a restaurant alone and now I realize that these things are a beautiful and relaxing part of life!
How wonderful it is to be able to be in your own company and be content. I must say that there were many times in my past when I longed for people to be there because at that point they weren’t. It’s possible that because people are fortunately in my life now that I have the choice.
One can also get pretty comfortable wanting to have alone time to the point where it is not healthy.
We all have varying degrees of needing human connection. I do love and thrive on seeing my friends and family, however. I equally love the time that I get to spend just me, myself, and I.
I have found a comfortable place between enjoying my own company and being much less reliant on others to make me happy. Previously, my happiness depended on others, but I have learned to find that within myself.
Whatever Works for YOU!
We are all different and we have to find what makes us happy and find that balance in life.
I feel like this is such a stigma about being alone or wanting to be alone in society today.
I believe that having time alone is crucial to one’s health as is social interaction. Everyone’s view of balance will be different. Some prefer less alone time and more social interactions, while others prefer the exact opposite.
The goal in life is to do what makes you happy!