Too Far to Reach

Most of us know this feeling all too well. We have a family member, friend, or significant other who becomes quiet, reserved, and slowly distances themselves from us.

How does the distance of others affect you? Do you pull away, do you reach out, or are you filled with many emotions? Maybe all of the above. Family and friends that become distant from us are very common. How do we handle this situation?

We all have ways of dealing with negative emotions and life events, some of us withdraw and some of us seek others for comfort. When our loved ones choose to withdraw from us, it can leave us wondering what to do.

I am currently in this very situation. A friend of mine whom I met at a past job became distant with me several months ago. It is upsetting as I value our friendship very much. Right now, the friendship is at a standstill, not on my part, but on hers and I have to accept that considering I have done everything that I could.

When I notice that someone that I care for has become a little quieter than usual, I usually wait a little while to see if they come around on their own. If not, I always reach out to see if they are doing okay. Most of the time, I will find that the individual is going through something, and they have taken a moment to reflect. I let them know that I am there for them, and I give them space.

What happens if this pattern continues? I may wait a week or two, sometimes longer, and reach out again to check on them if they haven’t made any contact with me. Rarely do I have to do this, but in some cases I do and sadly some people remain distant from us for months, years, possibly forever.

It is a very uncomfortable feeling when someone chooses to remain distant from us. We may not understand why, but there is always a reason whether it is related to us or not. Much of the time, it is something personal that our loved one is dealing with and not related to us in any way.

So many emotions can be felt when someone we love pulls away from us. We feel sad, angry, confused, and frustrated. It is very stressful figuring out what to do and trying to cope with the feelings that take over. Our self-esteem may even take a nosedive.

One thing is for sure, we can only control ourselves and our actions. We need to do everything that we can to salvage the relationship so that we are not left with a guilty conscience. We are then left knowing that we did everything we could, and the ball is now in the other person’s court.

We are not able to control what others do and as hard as that is, it is a reality. We cannot make someone talk to us, be friends with us, or want us in their lives. For whatever reason they have chosen to leave or distance themselves, it is for a valid reason to them.

If this situation has happened to you before, it is hard to accept. Try to process your feelings and know that not everyone is meant to stay in your life. There comes a time when a one-sided friendship is noticed and the constant reaching out takes a toll on us. There comes a point in time when we realize that some people are too far to reach.

Clamming Up

When we are dealing with a major life event, or with very heavy emotions, we typically respond in one of two ways. We either clam up and withdraw, or we seek comfort and support from our loved ones.


There are benefits to both, but typically letting your feelings out in some way is beneficial and can help you understand what you are going through. After processing the event and emotions, then you can try to cope and learn from it. Some of our natural response comes from past experiences and some from our personalities. There are also reasons why we respond one way or another.


For those of us that withdraw, we may be the more introverted type, we might have had experiences in the past where we didn’t feel listened to, or we were judged or bullied. Learning to withdraw and not share comes naturally to us because it’s what we have done in the past and what we find comfort in.


I tend to withdraw from others when stressed and overwhelmed. I am trying my very best to break this cycle because there are so many benefits to being able to openly share what you are going through. It’s very unnatural, but part of growing is facing your fears and trying to rid of past behaviors that no longer serve us.


One thing for sure is that everyone will respond differently. Whatever works best for you strive for that, whether it means withdrawing and preserving your resources, or leaning on others during difficult times.


I think it’s wonderful and I am truly inspired by those who speak their minds and their feelings. I think there is a lot to benefit and learn from it. When we share what is going on with us in our lives, we can release that stress and tension that we hold bottled up, which in turn greatly helps our health both mentally and physically.


While talking with other people about life, we can see that everyone has hopes and struggles, everyone is dealing with something in life, and we are all human. It helps you feel not so alone when you can open up to other individuals. You may even hear the comforting “I thought I was the only one,” “I feel the same way,” or “that has happened to me before.”


I am sure that most of you feel the positive effects of being there for someone that you care about. You are more than happy to lend a hand and ready with a listening ear. As much as you love to help and be there for your loved ones, imagine how they will feel reciprocating the help! Other people want the chance to be there for us as we are for them. Relationships are something that we should strive to balance, they are a mix of giving and taking.


In the end, whatever comforts you the most during difficult times is what you can count on. For those of you like me who wish to change how you respond to stressful life events, I encourage you to express how you are feeling to a trustworthy someone and see how much better it makes you feel! Slowly, but surely, we can release what no longer serves us and adapt to new ways of living as unnatural as they may feel. There is no greater reward than fixing what no longer serves us in life!

The Parking Lot

There I sat, in the parking lot of a grocery store, waiting for a family member to finish their shopping trip. The sun was shining bright, and the sky was filled with fluffy white clouds. The trees were a beautiful green and there was a slight breeze in the air, which was more than welcomed on this hot and humid day.

I, like many, am a very busy person these days. Months feel like weeks and there is always a lot to do, I am very much living a life full of hustle and bustle at the moment. There is hardly any time in my day that I can truly sit and be at one with myself and my surroundings, a little piece of bliss that I truly miss.

As I sat in this parking lot, I had such a sense of peace and serenity come over me. I wasn’t focusing on what I had to do next, or knocking anything off of my to-do list, I was simply focused on the beautiful nature that surrounded me and the sound of my breath. I was focused on just being. At this particular moment, I felt as if the world had stopped, this was true mindfulness, something that we all could use more of.

So often as I am driving, I’m thinking about so many things, but hardly about the gorgeous scenery that surrounds me. So often I am cooking, but I don’t pay attention to the beautiful colors and invigorating smells in front of me. So often I am watching TV, but instead of getting lost in a good show, I am thinking about what I need to do tomorrow. We could bring so much more peace and joy into our lives if we practiced mindfulness, if we truly exist in the here and now.

I sat there in the car without a care in the world. I admired nature’s beauty as I felt the warm sun on my skin and realized just how nice, rare, and precious this moment was. Sometimes the happiest moments are ones where we are alone and can turn our busy minds off for even a few minutes. Who would have thought that something as simple as a parking lot could remind me of a very important practice…the practice of mindfulness.

The Power of Solitude

Once in a while we get the chance to sit alone with pin-drop silence. Most of our days are filled with the hustle and bustle of work, families, and other responsibilities that leave us in a near constant state of commotion. It is in these peaceful moments that we discover the power of solitude.

In life a lot of us, including myself, struggle with balance and this ultimately leads to a burnout. I feel as though balancing rest and work in today’s world is even more difficult. I am the first to admit that I burnout quickly and I require more downtime than most people. I believe this is due to me being a very “sensitive” person and I process life very deeply. I sometimes wish that I didn’t absorb so much energy and emotions as it is quite draining.

When we are with others, so much of our energy and focus are on other people. We keep up with the demands of relationships, work, school, and we are depleted of energy before we make time for ourselves. We need to learn to put ourselves first, because if we are not physically and mentally sound, we cannot possibly give our all in life. Think of the last time that you sat alone outside by the water, drank a cup of tea or coffee in your recliner with no one else home, took a walk in nature just you and the universe. How did that make you feel? I am guessing that for a lot of us, that feeling would be whole, peaceful, renewed, uplifted, and relaxed. I do understand for some that being alone may trigger fear, sadness, and loneliness. Some individuals are alone most if not all of the time and they crave human interaction. It’s all about balance. There were times that I was alone so much that I was depressed and craved companionship, I’ve also been in times where I was around so many people that I just wanted to hide away from the world and be by myself.

Solitude brings about both peace and strength. There is something so beautiful about being at one with yourself, feeling yourself breathe, and having no outside stimulation from the world. One can process thoughts and emotions and find peace in just existing. On the other hand, solitude requires strength as it is not exactly how humans are “hardwired.” There are individuals of course who are introverted and I do find myself becoming more introverted as I age. Solitude is also when we are forced to face our demons. Whether you prefer being alone, surrounded by people, or a mix, please make more time to do what you love and what renews and refreshes your soul. Your mind and body are so precious and we need to put ourselves first so that we can be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. Just a few minutes a day set aside just for you can make all the difference in the world.