They Just Don’t Care

There’s a type of person that I aspire to be. One who is secure and carefree. One who doesn’t care what the world says and thinks, she’s confident in her skin, ways, and abilities.

She finds strength in silence and does things because she wants to without the need to tell others.

Mystery

There are individuals in this world who some call a “mystery.” They are the ones that may be more on the quieter or introverted side. Ones that don’t share much about their lives, thoughts, and feelings.

I used to be one of these “mystery people,” I had terrible social anxiety and just anxiety in general. I hardly spoke to anyone. Fast-forward to today and I am a lot more extroverted and share a lot more. There is one thing that I miss.

I recall being a lot more centered and calmer prior to becoming extroverted. I did always wonder what I was missing out on, but some parts of me miss the old me that I kept in a bubble.

Others

I have a friend that doesn’t care what others think. She does what she pleases, respects other people, and doesn’t think too deeply about life, she just lives! I admire this so much and to me, she shows much strength.

Many people, including myself, share a good amount about their lives. I also appreciate the beauty in this type of person because they can be open, vulnerable, and be themselves.

Sometimes I almost feel a sort of anxiety or obsession with sharing what is going on in my life and wanting to know what is happening with others. It is nearly impossible and probably not even necessary to do so. The realities of living with OCD I suppose!

Beauty

There is beauty in mystery and silence. There is also a great strength. There is beauty in vulnerability and being able to share and connect with other human beings. There is peace in striving for a balance of the two.

While I still admire the souls that just don’t care and they live their life to the fullest without a care, I also admire those who are just themselves and are living authentically. Every one of us could be a lot happier if we stayed true to who we are.

The world goes round because of the different souls that walk this Earth. No two people are the same and this is what makes life beautiful!

I Am Afraid to Be Me

I know that this title sounds silly, but it is the absolute truth. I am afraid to be me and by this, I mean that I am afraid to be real, raw, and 100% authentic.

I believe that this way of thinking stems from my younger years. I was bullied a lot for being a shy kid. I wanted to have a lot of friends; however, I didn’t have the greatest communication skills. The friends that I had were more like acquaintances, I felt like no one truly knew me because I had a wall up.

Why I am Afraid 

I am scared of being judged, abandoned, rejected, and ridiculed like I was back when I was younger. I have completely morphed into a very different person today, but that shy introverted teen still lives within me and so do the scars.

Everyone wants to feel love and acceptance and the thought of that being withheld is very painful. I am afraid to say what’s on my mind, my beliefs, or who I am. Parts that I don’t like about myself I try to hide, hoping that no one will notice.

The Outside Doesn’t Match the Inside

I am the kind of girl that hides behind a smile and a face full of makeup, I am the kind of girl that will sugarcoat what I think to not hurt someone’s feelings, I am someone who would rather keep my feelings inside to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I am the kind of girl that everyone thinks has her life together and doesn’t have a care in the world. They don’t see that I put up a front that all is okay even when it’s not.

I am mostly outgoing and bubbly, I love to joke and have fun, and I love deep conversation and getting to know other people even though I clam up when they try to get to know me. I love to laugh.

I admire those that are real and raw. I admire those that can share what is on their mind and in their hearts without fear. They can share parts of themselves and not care what other people think. They are just them and I love that, I aspire to be that.

As I Get Older 

I am getting better at being authentic. I am learning to share my mind and learning to communicate better to prevent getting myself into an even worse situation. I am trying very hard, and this is a real goal of mine that I am desperately trying to reach.

I am very good at giving advice and terrible at following my own, I am a work-in-progress, and I am truly hoping to continue down this path of being 100% authentic and having true self-love.

An Important Reminder

Each one of us is unique and beautiful and our past has no place in the present or future. Sometimes it is hard to shed parts of ourselves, but we keep showing up every day, learning and growing.

You May Be Carrying More Than You Need To

Many years ago, I was at work, and one of my coworkers, who we will call Vanessa, came up to me and said that she noticed that I wasn’t my usual cheery self. She then proceeded to ask me if I was okay.

I told her that I was feeling stressed and sad because of some things that were happening. My coworker asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I began telling her what was on my mind.

We Talked 

I remember telling Vanessa that my friend, cousin, and another loved one were all going through a really hard time. I told her what each individual was dealing with and then she looked at me. Vanessa’s response was a shock to me.

Vanessa told me that she understood why I was upset that my loved ones were not in the best place in life, but what she surprisingly said was “none of these things are happening to YOU.” I can still remember where we were standing because it hit me with such a huge realization after she told me. She was right, I was feeling so stressed and sad over things that weren’t even happening to me, yet I was taking on such heavy emotions as if there were.

I Am an Empath

I feel the energy and emotions of others around me very deeply. Oftentimes, if someone is going through something, I will feel their emotions as if I was the one experiencing it. As you can imagine, this is very exhausting. Life is hard enough, and we need to have enough resources to take care of ourselves and our lives.

Reminder

It is very important to take a step back when you are offering support and a listening ear to your loved ones. It is very important to offer them love and understanding and it is also very important that you can help someone else without becoming so involved in the other person’s experience or problem, that you take it on as your own.

Keeping yourself available to others is part of helping humanity, it is important to remember to keep yourself separate. We all have many battles that we fight in life daily and taking on additional worries and stress that do not belong to us only acts as a disservice to ourselves and those around us.

I’ll Never Forget

These words will forever be in my mind, and I am so thankful to Vanessa for making this observation and for being brave enough to tell me. Being able to separate myself and my issues from someone else and theirs is still difficult, however, I realize that I need to be a helper in those types of situations instead of someone who takes on the problem as well.

I love when other people can share an observation that they made to help us grow as a person. We may overlook things in our lives and sometimes what is overlooked is profound.

Every person that we meet teaches us something and Vanessa taught me to be a strong support system for my loved ones. She taught me instead of carrying someone else’s burden, that I can be sympathetic and offer love and be the strong person that they need me to be.

Do You Have Unspoken Words With Someone?

In life, we are constantly meeting people and socializing with others whether it be at school, work, or even at the grocery store.

We all come from many walks of life and because of that, we have very different ways of viewing things and perceiving the world around us. With these differences comes possible misunderstandings and strains on relationships.

Life Unfiltered

Getting two or more people together isn’t always going to go smoothly. People have opinions, they feel hurt, rejected, or misunderstood.

Most of the time individuals can come together to hash out their differences and come to a mutual understanding. Hopefully following this will be forgiveness and moving forward in the relationship.

The Downside

Unfortunately, being able to work through differences and settle arguments doesn’t always work out in our favor.

The other party may not be willing to sacrifice, or work it out, they may simply not even respond. This type of situation can leave us feeling hopeless.

Do you have something to say, but are not ready or able to say it?

Left Unsaid

Maybe the other person is not willing to talk to you, or maybe you have something to say, but the timing is not right.

Whatever it may be, it is important to let out your feelings and get what you want to say off of your chest.

Words left unsaid can be very damaging to one’s health. Not being able to share what is on your mind and in your heart is very stressful and prevents us from living authentically.

One Little Trick

Whenever I find myself in a situation where I cannot contact the other person, or I don’t want to let my feelings out just yet, I turn to one thing.

I get out a journal and I address the letter to the person to whom I wish to relay the message to. I start by writing their name and then I let my thoughts flow from my head to my hand. I write everything down that I wish I could say to this particular person.

It’s Up to You

Sending the letter will be up to you. I have letters that I have saved, ones that I wrote and then put in the trash, and letters that I have sent to the intended recipient after they were completed.

This simple exercise is very helpful in clearing your mind. It can help ease the heaviness in your heart and make you feel more at peace with your past.

Even when the letter is not sent or read by anyone else, you will have had the chance to say what you wanted to and that is so freeing and does wonders for healing. Bottled-up feelings come back to haunt us in the future.

Think of Someone

Is there someone in your life that you have unspoken words with? Is there something that you’ve want to get off of your chest but felt like it was the wrong time, or that the other person wouldn’t be receptive?

Try writing a letter to this individual and see how much better you feel. Bonus points if you end up sending it, but the idea and meaning behind this letter is to get what has been left unsaid out in the open.

I hope that at least someone will be able to benefit from this exercise the way that I do. It’s very hard to go through life without sharing what is going on deep inside of you. We are all on a journey to a happier life, a few small steps in the right direction can make a huge difference!

The Parking Lot

There I sat, in the parking lot of a grocery store, waiting for a family member to finish their shopping trip. The sun was shining bright, and the sky was filled with fluffy white clouds. The trees were a beautiful green and there was a slight breeze in the air, which was more than welcomed on this hot and humid day.

I, like many, am a very busy person these days. Months feel like weeks and there is always a lot to do, I am very much living a life full of hustle and bustle at the moment. There is hardly any time in my day that I can truly sit and be at one with myself and my surroundings, a little piece of bliss that I truly miss.

As I sat in this parking lot, I had such a sense of peace and serenity come over me. I wasn’t focusing on what I had to do next, or knocking anything off of my to-do list, I was simply focused on the beautiful nature that surrounded me and the sound of my breath. I was focused on just being. At this particular moment, I felt as if the world had stopped, this was true mindfulness, something that we all could use more of.

So often as I am driving, I’m thinking about so many things, but hardly about the gorgeous scenery that surrounds me. So often I am cooking, but I don’t pay attention to the beautiful colors and invigorating smells in front of me. So often I am watching TV, but instead of getting lost in a good show, I am thinking about what I need to do tomorrow. We could bring so much more peace and joy into our lives if we practiced mindfulness, if we truly exist in the here and now.

I sat there in the car without a care in the world. I admired nature’s beauty as I felt the warm sun on my skin and realized just how nice, rare, and precious this moment was. Sometimes the happiest moments are ones where we are alone and can turn our busy minds off for even a few minutes. Who would have thought that something as simple as a parking lot could remind me of a very important practice…the practice of mindfulness.