Tag: Mental Health

What Gardening Taught Me About Life

Every spring, I take a trip to buy some beautiful flowers to plant in my garden. I always debate over buying annuals or perennials and somehow, I always end up going with annuals. Seeing my flowers come back every year would be nice and a money-saver, however, there is something special about going to pick out different varieties and color combinations each year.

Around the middle of May, when frost is no longer a threat, I go out to the garden and dig up the dirt, remove any weeds, trim the bushes and plants, and then lay down a fresh layer of new dirt. Once this is all done, I head to the store to bring home the flowers!

Pure Happiness

Flowers, plants, and just gardening in general bring me so much joy, it is so therapeutic! I find so much peace while being in nature and digging through the earth. The beauty of nature is indescribable, it is amazing and always leaves me in awe!

My beloved grandmother adored gardening as well as my aunt, maybe I got the passion from them! I tend to go overboard with wanting many plants and flowers, but space is limited, so I just pick out three or four of the flowers that strike me the most.

A Reminder

A week ago I planted my garden! I dug a deep hole in the fresh dirt and then squeezed the sides of the plastic flower pot that it came in to wiggle the flower and its roots out. I then placed the flower inside the hole and covered it up with fresh dirt, making sure to pack the dirt all around the sides to secure the plant in place. I did this with all of the flowers and once I was done, it was time to give them a shower! I took the garden hose and sprayed them down, giving them a good soaking of water.

It is amazing how we are reminded of certain aspects of life and ourselves as we go about our daily lives. When I was gardening, I had a deep thought cross my mind. The combination of the dirt, soil, and sun allows the flower to flourish. Without these basic necessities, the flower would not be able to live and thrive to its fullest potential.

The dirt and sun are there daily; however, water is not a guarantee. When it rains, the flowers get plenty of needed water, but when there are days or a week without rain, I need to water them myself. To a point, the flowers have to rely on me to take care of them.

Application

So, how does this apply to human life? When we are given positive surroundings and the means to survive, we flourish. When we have fresh air, water, food, shelter, love, and money to make ends meet, we can live comfortably. Just like the flowers that have their own requirements, when ours are met, we can blossom into the beautiful people that we are.

Just like flowers need to rely on someone to water them when the rain is absent, we may also need to lean on others for support.

If we are not happy and not thriving, it might be helpful to look at the conditions in which we live. Some can be changed, and others cannot for the time being, but the answer may lie here. As human beings, when we are happy, it generally means that our needs are being met!

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Make it Right

Is there something that you have on your conscience? Is there a habit that you have that weighs on you because you can’t seem to make a change that could lead to a happier life?

As we go through life, we accumulate many experiences. These memories stay etched in our minds. Some situations that we have encountered in life leave us with unpleasant memories. Maybe it was a relationship with someone, the way that we left an old job, or maybe we have a habit of not being honest with ourselves and it leaves us feeling angry and disconnected.

Observations

In my life lately, I have been hyperaware of what causes me to feel anything unpleasant. I note what makes me feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused. As human beings, we don’t like the feeling of pain and unhappiness and we usually will go to great lengths to make sure that we stay feeling content.

For everything that makes me upset, I try to “make it right,” so that it has no more room in my head or my heart. I observe my thoughts and what seems to weigh on me the most. I try to look at a particular trigger or situation from every angle.

If the remedy lies in someone else’s hands, then it can be a little more difficult, but we can make peace with ourselves and offer forgiveness. If we have done something out of character and it is weighing on us, we can apologize and right our wrongs so that we can let it go from our conscience.

Lately

I noticed that as I try to make things right that cause me pain, a huge weight is lifted off of me. Even if I make them right in my own mind or heart, it offers me freedom and peace. It gives me hope that I can approach future situations and people in my life in a different manner.

Much of what we go through in life can be much less stressful with a more helpful mindset. If we can stop taking things too personally (I am so guilty of this) and if we can forgive others and forgive ours, life could be a little bit easier. As I work on addressing things in my life that don’t serve me or make me happy, I realize that my mindset is everything.

Forgiveness and Apologies

To my ex who caused me a lot of pain, I forgive you and I also apologize for hurting you with my lack of communication. To the person who cut me off abruptly while driving, I forgive you because I don’t know what you are going through, it isn’t personal, because you don’t even know me. To my old friend who ghosted me, the pain is real. I would love to know why, but I will have to create peace in my own heart. To the friend that I hurt unintentionally, I am forever sorry, and I should have handled things better.

Life is hard enough, if there is any part of it that we can make easier, it helps a lot! Think of things that are currently weighing you down and see if there is any way that you can make these situations “right.” Easier said than done, but sometimes all it takes is an apology or forgiveness. We can feel so much lighter!

The Problem with an Idle Mind

In my life, I have gone through several periods where I was not working, and I spent most of my time at home secluded from the outside world. These times occurred during a serious illness that I had and also when I was in-between jobs.

I remember clearly when the four walls around me were my best friends. I spent day and night at home. My favorite thing to do was watch TV, I wanted to get lost in someone else’s reality. Being on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket was all that I wanted to do. I had family and friends around, but I craved being alone…even though it wasn’t good for me.

Memories

I remember having way too much time to think. I recall hearing my friends talk about a long day at work, or not being able to see my loved ones very much because they were busy working and with their families. There I was with nothing but time on my hands. There I sat with a very idle mind.

A mind that is not busy can get one in so much trouble. We can invent problems that are not even there. I remember replaying a lot of events and conversations in my past. I remember wanting to redo parts of my life. I would analyze everything, and I found my mind wandering to places that I didn’t want to go. It can truly be detrimental to be alone with your thoughts. Too much idle time can cause stress and negative emotions.

Today

Fast-forward to today. I am a busy mom with young children. I have a lot of responsibilities and my schedule is jam-packed every day. From sunup to sundown, there is something to do with hardly any alone time or downtime in between. It’s funny how life can change like that. In the blink of an eye, situations and life circumstances can change drastically.

Nowadays, I don’t really have much time to think. I am constantly focused on what I need to do at any given moment. I am an overthinker and a deep thinker. I often get lost in brief moments of thought, but I can’t stay there for long. Late night and early morning are my moments of reflection.

Being busy has downsides, it can cause one to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. We strive for a delicate balance that we don’t often find. Given the downsides to being busy, there are some perks that I have found to be very helpful.

The Opposite 

A busy mind doesn’t have much room to wander and think. It doesn’t have time to think of past regrets, failed relationships, and all of the “what ifs.” A busy mind has less of a chance to become astray.

There is currently a lot going on in my life at the moment and the other day, I went out and spent some fun quality time with my family. The daily stresses and worries didn’t even cross my mind. Of course, they have come up again in thought, but while I was out and busy, all that I was focused on was my family and all of the fun that we were having. This is why staying busy in some way is so important!

Get Off of the Hamster Wheel

There’s a perfect description for when our minds don’t stop racing. We know it as the “hamster wheel.” One thought leads to another, and it just snowballs from there. Having your mind spinning constantly in circles can be a very uncomfortable feeling.

I have struggled with anxiety and OCD most of my life. I know the hamster wheel feeling all too well. My mind wanders when I have a moment of quiet in my day, which is few and far between. Usually, I am so busy these days that I don’t have much time to stop and think, but there are times, especially early in the morning and late at night when my mind wanders.

Application

We know that a body in motion stays in motion. This can also be true for the mind. When we are constantly thinking, our mind stays in motion and stopping is very hard to do! Rumination feels like it’s a good idea because we feel like maybe we will get somewhere or solve something, but this is quite the opposite. Repeatedly thinking thoughts causes a lot of stress and although it can feel like we can lessen anxiety by thinking things through, more often than not it causes more damage.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

 – Van Wilder

When our brain is in motion, it can be very hard to stop it. The wheel just keeps spinning over and over again. The energy used to think fuels more thoughts that fuel even more thoughts…it can be very distressing! There are two things that help me.

A Break

When my mind won’t stop going and thinking, I do the following to try to get it to stop:

  • I look around the room and I try to focus on different characteristics. For example, I try to find all of the red items, the objects in the room that are square, or really large items.
  •  I close my eyes and I focus on my breath. I notice how I breathe in slowly and exhale slowly. I just allow myself to be with no distractions. My breathing is the only thing that I focus on.

These small moments of mindfulness make all of the difference for me! I hope that if you find your mind not able to turn off that these two tricks will work for you as well.

Wishing you and I a quiet mind!

Walking on Eggshells

Some of you may know my goal for this year is to be authentic and not be afraid to just be me. In most ways, I feel like I am doing better in this area, and in few ways, I feel like I am slipping back into my same old patterns.

Thankfully, I know what stops me from being authentic, but sadly I don’t know how to work through it. The two things that stop me the most are fear of rejection and being perceived incorrectly.

Experiences

As we go through life, we accumulate many different experiences, some good, and some bad, but they all shape us in some way. These experiences become part of us and it’s hard to shake. Our beliefs and thought patterns are tied closely to what we have gone through in life.

I have been guilty of this too, but I feel that we live in a world that is full of judgment and people making assumptions. Oftentimes we see a person, or a situation and we have instant thoughts that come to mind. This is natural, we automatically think of many things when we see something. Much of the time, our perceived view of a person or situation couldn’t be farther from the truth. This is why looks are deceiving.

There have been times when I could have put money on a situation that was unfolding, or that I knew something about someone. I can tell you that I was floored many times by how wrong I was. As ironic as it is, most things in life are not what they seem.

My Thought Process

I always feel the need to censor my thoughts and actions. That I need to go through the motions in my head before I allow them to be free. I try to examine how each thought or action could be misconstrued or misinterpreted. I know that much of this is my anxiety talking, but a lot of it is due to unfortunate circumstances and past experiences.

I feel like trusting in today’s world is very minimal. We place trust in people every day without realizing it. When we drive a car, we are placing trust in the other drivers being responsible and safe while sharing the road with us. We trust that when we go to the store someone will be there to help us find what we are looking for and serve as a cashier when we are ready to check out.

When it comes to true trust as in relationships, I believe that many of us have trust issues due to our pasts. I feel like it takes a lot for someone to trust someone else, myself included. Past hurts spill over into our future and it’s hard to start over with a blank slate even though everyone deserves that chance to prove themselves as trustworthy.

Life Lessons

One thing that I learned the hard way is that one has to be careful when interacting with others. There are many instances where people perceive what is happening as something that it is not. Sometimes people take actions the wrong way. It’s at no fault of their own, everyone perceives things differently, however, it can make for a very difficult situation.

Even though I am much more introverted than I used to be, I have a very friendly personality and I love to talk and engage with other people. You can usually find me smiling even when that smile is covering up the pain. People take my laughter, smiles, and genuine concern for others as me flirting with them or being interested in them in some way. Of course, this is great if this is the case, but I often find it heartbreaking for me because I feel that I can’t be myself with others without creating an awkward situation. Someone always sees my personality as a step further than it really is.

Baby Steps

Sometimes I feel like I need to scale back, hide, repress, and not put my true self out there. Part of me wants to clam up because I never want someone to see me in the wrong light. I strive every day to be seen as the genuine and trustworthy person that I am.

In the end, I know that one is not supposed to care what others think because we know what is in our hearts and our minds. We know our intentions and it’s not up to us to make sure that everyone is on the same page. We all see things differently and that’s where open communication comes in.

These feelings leave me walking on eggshells daily, but I won’t give up. I won’t allow fear to hold me back. I have the power in me to take control of a situation instead of it controlling me. Life has enough stress, there’s no need to add to it! I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts or actions, only my own. I aspire to live a life where I don’t have to rehearse everything. One baby step at a time, I will learn to just be me…to just be.