Tag: Love

I Didn’t Write for Almost a Month, This Is How I Felt

I adore writing and I have ever since I was a little girl. I was unstoppable with pen and paper. There has hardly been a time in my life when I didn’t write. As a child, I used to create books on my own for fun using construction paper. I would come up with stories and images for my books.

When I got into high school and college, my friends would complain about having to write a paper, but I loved it because I loved to write, and I didn’t care what it was about. I just loved to create art with words.

My Blog

A few years ago, I started a blog to continue my love of writing. I have taken a break here and there and I have also done writing on my own that was meant for just me and not to be shared. My most recent break was just within this last month; I didn’t write at all. I felt so many emotions.

Writing is a part of my soul and I feel lost without it. Sometimes I may not have the mental energy to produce any content, but for the most part, being able to write releases so many emotions within me, it clears my mind and makes me feel more at peace.

Hiatus

During my break, I noticed that I was feeling more emotional. I was also feeling more depressed, and anxious, and I felt very unsettled. I felt this sort of restless energy that wouldn’t go away. I could chalk these feelings up to my current life circumstances, but I think that some of it also has to do with not having an outlet to let my thoughts go. Sure, talking to loved ones helps a lot, but writing helps on a very different level.

Writing is truly therapeutic, and it makes me feel lighter. Of course, when one doesn’t have much mental energy left, it can be very difficult, but overall, writing is like lifting a weight off of my chest. It is just a beautiful process, and it is amazing what one can come up with as they pour out words from their mind and heart.

One thing is for certain, when you remove something that you love and you miss it with your whole heart, you know that you have found something that is part of you! I need to write, I long to write, I am not myself when I am not writing.

This beautiful form of expression holds so much value in my life, it has been ingrained in me since I was a little girl. Breaks are absolutely necessary now and then and so is getting back to something that sets your heart and soul on fire!

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I Looked for True Love

When we were young, we had thoughts of how our lives would pan out. Maybe we dreamed of college, a job, marriage, and a family. Possibly we wanted to travel the world and start our own business.

Whatever our goals and plans were, we probably didn’t see foresee that some of our plans wouldn’t happen or would happen in ways that we never expected.

My Dream

As a young girl, I dreamed of getting married and starting a family. Being a mom was all that I had ever wanted, and I am incredibly thankful to be one today. Finding true love was another one. This is where I pause.

I have always been pretty unlucky in love. I have found myself in the oddest and most uncomfortable situations and met some very ungenuine people. I have my faults too and I am working on them, I truly feel that it takes two to make a relationship work.

My biggest fault is that I don’t fully communicate my thoughts and feelings. I would rather save someone’s feelings, but in the end, it only makes things much worse.

The Old Saying

They say that you find love when you aren’t looking. They say that love will find you at the right time. I believe both of these to be true. No matter the stress and impatient feelings, I know that timing is everything and I believe that what is meant to be will always find its way.

When I was a few years younger than I am now, I would constantly look for love. Where was my soulmate? Where was the person that was created to be with me? Why is he so hard to find? Thoughts of how unlucky I was in love never left my mind.

I looked for love everywhere. I looked at Church, in the grocery store, walking through the neighborhood, and at the gym, I even turned to online dating. I met some people here and there, but it never moved past the first few dates or so. We just weren’t a match and I had to be okay with that. Many times, I was looking for something more than the other person was. I wanted a serious relationship; I wasn’t looking for anything casual.

A Realization 

One day it hit me why some of my relationships didn’t work out, why “the one” hasn’t shown himself to me. One day it hit me why love didn’t find me no matter how hard I tried. There was one simple yet complicated answer. I had to love myself first.

I spent many years looking for someone to make me whole and complete me. I looked high and low for someone who I could spend my life with. Someone who would genuinely love me for who I am, faults and all. That person doesn’t exist, it is up to me to feel whole and complete. A partner can only add to the base that is already there. In my case, there wasn’t much of a base.

I knew that I had to make some changes. I had to love myself so that I could fully give myself to someone else. I just started working on this several months ago. I haven’t made as much progress as I had hoped, but slowly I am trying to change that. I speak positive affirmations as I look in the mirror, I try to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself.

I am doing the best that I can. I am human, I have faults and I will never be anywhere close to perfect, but I still deserve to love myself to the fullest. It’s a hard task, but it’s very important to me. I hope that one day, loving myself first will create a foundation that true love can build on.

A Little Box of Chocolates

I came home a few weeks ago to find a box of chocolates on the counter in the kitchen. Of course, I was pleasantly surprised. Who were these from? The box was red and inside it had two layers of delicious chocolates.

I unwrapped the box and there I found a little piece of paper inside that had a picture of each of the chocolates and a description of what they were made of. It was a hard choice to pick the first one, I wanted to try them all!

A Chocolate Addiction

Some of you may know my powerful addiction to chocolate. I crave it every day and I will eat any variety and flavor. I adore the taste and not only that, but it also provides a little dopamine rush. A happy moment!

I have to be careful about buying chocolate because I don’t know when to stop eating it. I was in awe of this little box and how it brought me such joy. I find it amazing how a sweet treat can be such a pick-me-up.

Who Was it From?

So, where did this lovely little box of chocolates come from? It came from my dear mother. She put them on the counter for me to enjoy and I was so thankful. A simple box of chocolates made my entire day and was a reminder that someone cares. It was incredibly heartwarming and appreciated.

Spreading Kindness

I am now thinking of a little surprise to give my mom. It was such a sweet and unexpected moment, sometimes those bring the greatest joy!

Little acts of kindness from others mean so much to us, they make us feel valued, loved, and cared for. They are a welcomed gesture in an often-troubled world. Spread kindness and love to each other. No matter how small, it all makes a difference!

My Heart Belongs to a Keyboard

There are few things in life that capture our hearts and souls. They end up becoming part of us and we cannot imagine our life without them.

As we grow, we may change our passion and hobbies, but the tried and true will always remain.

Younger Years

I remember being in school as a young girl and my teacher would give us a certain amount of time to write a story on anything that we wanted. I remember how magical it felt to pick up a pencil and put it on paper. When the teacher told the class that time was up for the assignment, I remember always feeling like I wasn’t done. I wanted to write forever.

My love of writing remained outside of the classroom as well. As children, my sister and I created books in which we would take computer paper, staple it together, and write a storybook. Our imaginations went wild.

When I got a little bit older and even into my preteen and early teenage years, I began to journal and keep a diary. I remember the feeling of hardly being able to wait to write in my diary every night. I was excited to write about my day and express myself. I loved the way my pen would glide across the page.

Today

I used to handwrite all of my stories as a draft first before typing them, but over time, I chose to go straight to my laptop to create my work.

Writing in general has me falling in love every day, no matter how it is created, whether it be via pen and paper, or laptop, it is all works of art and it is a beautiful process. I have come to love the way typing on a keyboard feels.

Blissful Experience

With my fingers placed on the keys, the keyboard is mine. I can then enter my thoughts and feelings and begin to express myself. The keyboard lets me be myself and I become one with the keys.

Just picturing the feeling of my fingers dancing around the keyboard is enough to bring me great joy. I can’t wait to create and see what my fingers will come up with next. The sound of the keys clicking means thoughts are flowing. It’s all an amazing experience!

My heart belongs to a keyboard and when I am not writing, I feel lost. I wait for the next free moment to feel the natural high. I love and miss the keys. They are part of me, just as writing is.

The whole world is open to me, even one that exists only in my mind and on my screen.

The whole world is literally at my fingertips!

The Magic of the Night

I have always feared the night, yet I find it magical at the same time. You will hardly ever catch me walking outside at nighttime, and even driving in my car at night has an eerie feeling to it.

As night falls, there is a noticeable shift in me. During the day, I am always running around doing housework, running errands, and chasing after my young kids. I am constantly hopping from one thing to the next without much time to just be.

The Shift

Nighttime has always been a time for reflection for me. No matter how busy I have been, or what kind of day I have had, I always take a moment to sit in my thoughts and feel whatever emotions I have.

There is something so inviting about the darkness, the pin-drop silence, and the coziness of being inside as the night surrounds us. It is almost as if the night begs me to bask in its ambiance.

 I have always been one to become very emotional at night. I spend time often in a state of reflection and reminiscing about my past. I like to reflect on where I am going in life and how I want to get there. My feelings and emotions become very magnified, sometimes much stronger than I want to feel.

In My Head

It is the night that has me turning inwards, replaying life events, and feeling the overwhelming thoughts in my head. My heart and mind speak back and forth in tandem. It is their time to shine. It is the night that allows me to just be.

Most of the time, the night is a very positive experience for me and the only time that I truly get with myself. Other times, the night is more than I can handle. There is no off switch, the hamster wheel keeps going around and around with no sign of stopping.

I Find Peace

Without any noise and extra stimulus that occurs during the day, the night is mine to spend however I want to. A wave of peace usually rushes over me, and I sit in silence so golden that I can hear myself breathing and I can focus on every breath.

I often write at nighttime. I have a recliner chair with a little table next to it and I sit there wrapped in a blanket in a pitch-black room with only the light of my laptop screen reflecting onto my face. The blanket makes me feel cozy, in fact, you will find me wrapped up in a blanket even on the hottest days of summer.

On my table, I usually have a little plate of snacks to enjoy as I wind down for the day. I put my fingers on the keyboard and let them take me away.

Life’s Balance

As with everything in life, balance is beautiful and what we strive for. The bright days, the dark nights, the sunny weather and the rainy, the chaotic moments and the peaceful ones.

They all blend together in perfect harmony.