Tag: Life Lessons

Make it Right

Is there something that you have on your conscience? Is there a habit that you have that weighs on you because you can’t seem to make a change that could lead to a happier life?

As we go through life, we accumulate many experiences. These memories stay etched in our minds. Some situations that we have encountered in life leave us with unpleasant memories. Maybe it was a relationship with someone, the way that we left an old job, or maybe we have a habit of not being honest with ourselves and it leaves us feeling angry and disconnected.

Observations

In my life lately, I have been hyperaware of what causes me to feel anything unpleasant. I note what makes me feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused. As human beings, we don’t like the feeling of pain and unhappiness and we usually will go to great lengths to make sure that we stay feeling content.

For everything that makes me upset, I try to “make it right,” so that it has no more room in my head or my heart. I observe my thoughts and what seems to weigh on me the most. I try to look at a particular trigger or situation from every angle.

If the remedy lies in someone else’s hands, then it can be a little more difficult, but we can make peace with ourselves and offer forgiveness. If we have done something out of character and it is weighing on us, we can apologize and right our wrongs so that we can let it go from our conscience.

Lately

I noticed that as I try to make things right that cause me pain, a huge weight is lifted off of me. Even if I make them right in my own mind or heart, it offers me freedom and peace. It gives me hope that I can approach future situations and people in my life in a different manner.

Much of what we go through in life can be much less stressful with a more helpful mindset. If we can stop taking things too personally (I am so guilty of this) and if we can forgive others and forgive ours, life could be a little bit easier. As I work on addressing things in my life that don’t serve me or make me happy, I realize that my mindset is everything.

Forgiveness and Apologies

To my ex who caused me a lot of pain, I forgive you and I also apologize for hurting you with my lack of communication. To the person who cut me off abruptly while driving, I forgive you because I don’t know what you are going through, it isn’t personal, because you don’t even know me. To my old friend who ghosted me, the pain is real. I would love to know why, but I will have to create peace in my own heart. To the friend that I hurt unintentionally, I am forever sorry, and I should have handled things better.

Life is hard enough, if there is any part of it that we can make easier, it helps a lot! Think of things that are currently weighing you down and see if there is any way that you can make these situations “right.” Easier said than done, but sometimes all it takes is an apology or forgiveness. We can feel so much lighter!

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Walking on Eggshells

Some of you may know my goal for this year is to be authentic and not be afraid to just be me. In most ways, I feel like I am doing better in this area, and in few ways, I feel like I am slipping back into my same old patterns.

Thankfully, I know what stops me from being authentic, but sadly I don’t know how to work through it. The two things that stop me the most are fear of rejection and being perceived incorrectly.

Experiences

As we go through life, we accumulate many different experiences, some good, and some bad, but they all shape us in some way. These experiences become part of us and it’s hard to shake. Our beliefs and thought patterns are tied closely to what we have gone through in life.

I have been guilty of this too, but I feel that we live in a world that is full of judgment and people making assumptions. Oftentimes we see a person, or a situation and we have instant thoughts that come to mind. This is natural, we automatically think of many things when we see something. Much of the time, our perceived view of a person or situation couldn’t be farther from the truth. This is why looks are deceiving.

There have been times when I could have put money on a situation that was unfolding, or that I knew something about someone. I can tell you that I was floored many times by how wrong I was. As ironic as it is, most things in life are not what they seem.

My Thought Process

I always feel the need to censor my thoughts and actions. That I need to go through the motions in my head before I allow them to be free. I try to examine how each thought or action could be misconstrued or misinterpreted. I know that much of this is my anxiety talking, but a lot of it is due to unfortunate circumstances and past experiences.

I feel like trusting in today’s world is very minimal. We place trust in people every day without realizing it. When we drive a car, we are placing trust in the other drivers being responsible and safe while sharing the road with us. We trust that when we go to the store someone will be there to help us find what we are looking for and serve as a cashier when we are ready to check out.

When it comes to true trust as in relationships, I believe that many of us have trust issues due to our pasts. I feel like it takes a lot for someone to trust someone else, myself included. Past hurts spill over into our future and it’s hard to start over with a blank slate even though everyone deserves that chance to prove themselves as trustworthy.

Life Lessons

One thing that I learned the hard way is that one has to be careful when interacting with others. There are many instances where people perceive what is happening as something that it is not. Sometimes people take actions the wrong way. It’s at no fault of their own, everyone perceives things differently, however, it can make for a very difficult situation.

Even though I am much more introverted than I used to be, I have a very friendly personality and I love to talk and engage with other people. You can usually find me smiling even when that smile is covering up the pain. People take my laughter, smiles, and genuine concern for others as me flirting with them or being interested in them in some way. Of course, this is great if this is the case, but I often find it heartbreaking for me because I feel that I can’t be myself with others without creating an awkward situation. Someone always sees my personality as a step further than it really is.

Baby Steps

Sometimes I feel like I need to scale back, hide, repress, and not put my true self out there. Part of me wants to clam up because I never want someone to see me in the wrong light. I strive every day to be seen as the genuine and trustworthy person that I am.

In the end, I know that one is not supposed to care what others think because we know what is in our hearts and our minds. We know our intentions and it’s not up to us to make sure that everyone is on the same page. We all see things differently and that’s where open communication comes in.

These feelings leave me walking on eggshells daily, but I won’t give up. I won’t allow fear to hold me back. I have the power in me to take control of a situation instead of it controlling me. Life has enough stress, there’s no need to add to it! I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts or actions, only my own. I aspire to live a life where I don’t have to rehearse everything. One baby step at a time, I will learn to just be me…to just be.

It’s Not Over

Life has many ups and downs. It will take us down numerous paths, detours, and roadblocks. Life has a way of taking us on an emotional roller coaster. It ebbs and flows, it’s great and it’s depressing.

We never know what life might hand to us. In some ways that’s scary, in many ways that’s thrilling and leaves us with much hope.

Despair

Unfortunately, sometimes in life, we will have moments of despair. We may feel like we have lost hope, we are depressed, and feeling lost and broken.

In these moments, it’s hard to see any good at all. It’s hard to see the positives, the silver lining, and it’s hard to practice gratitude.

Life Happens.

As we go through life, we encounter many things good and bad. During the happy moments, we feel full of life and on top of the world! Maybe we just got married, had a baby, got a job promotion, and moved to a new area. We feel full of life. Things are going our way!

On the flip side, we have times when we feel that the world is against us, we feel like we don’t matter, and that everything is going wrong. We might be grieving the loss of a loved one, have been laid off, or ended a relationship.

It’s Not Over

Our world might be crashing down around us, and we feel that it’s over. The job loss changes everything, grieving a loved one is debilitating, and the loss of a relationship really weighs on the heart. At that moment, we feel that everything is over, it’s too much to bear.

It’s not until much time has passed that the clouds can lift and we can start to see life in a different light. Hope comes back stronger and we feel like we will be okay, we can keep moving forward and tackle anything in the way.

Transformation

Although we never forget. Time has way of healing and making things feel less intense. It’s sad to see our loved ones going through a rough time, but it’s a beautiful thing to witness others who were deeply sad or upset become whole again. A smile returns to their face, and they have picked up and started moving forward.

Witnessing this transformation in life is a beautiful thing. It shows how strong the human mind is, and how much strength we all have as human beings even throughout our darkest days.

A Little Motivation 

Think of all that you’ve been through in life and here you are! You’ve made it. Sure, it wasn’t easy, but you did it. Life is ever-changing, we will have many highs and lows. Each time we go through something stressful, devastating, or traumatizing, we grow that much stronger. We realize that we have what it takes to pull through.

In closing, I leave you with a quote that I have always found to be encouraging and true:

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

   -John Lennon

The Path of Redirection

Can you recall a time when you wanted something so badly, but it never happened? A time when you wanted A, but you got B? Maybe you were upset and mad at the world for a while and wondering why me?

For the most part, we generally have a direction that we want to go in life. We have a path that we want to take, dreams, goals, and aspirations.

Life will take us on many journeys and they won’t always be the ones that we expect or hope for. While this sounds like a negative outcome, it can end up being the most beautiful thing ever.

A Different Path

The path of redirection may be what we least expect or hope for as we navigate through life. We have this vision for our lives, and we anticipate most of it happening to us as we strive and work hard every day to create the lives that we want.

Being taken off of the path that we were originally on can be discouraging, frustrating, and can leave us questioning so much about ourselves and our lives.

Fate

We all have our own beliefs about life. I believe that we all have a destiny, a designed path that we are to be on. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and somehow, we all end up right where we should be when the time is right.

Our path is unique to us. Traveling down the path of redirection can put us farther away from where we want to be. What we may not realize is that this redirection may lead us to our desires despite it feeling like a huge curveball.

Life Experiences 

There have been so many times in my life when I’ve been redirected. I remember feeling frustrated and lost. I couldn’t understand why I was being taken so far away from what I wanted.

As time moved forward, things started slowly falling into place. Many of the times the desired outcome was reached even if it was the complete opposite way of how I expected it to be. Many of the redirections in my life became some of my biggest blessings!

The Puzzle of Life

Have you ever noticed that our experiences in life fit together like a puzzle? Everything connects to something else as we march on.

Each piece fits together so perfectly. Each piece is important as it becomes a part of the larger picture.

The next time that you find yourself being redirected, hold onto hope that it might be for the best and that the biggest blessing might be just around the corner!

At Arm’s Length

As a young girl, I was always very outgoing and silly. I enjoyed smiling, laughing, and joking around. I also had a huge passion for making other people laugh. I wanted to see everyone with a smile on their face.

During my teenage years, I became withdrawn. I started dealing with anxiety and depression that stemmed from extreme social anxiety. I spoke to a few friends, but it was all small talk. The middle school years and most of my high school years were very trying times for me.

Young adulthood soon approached and slowly by slowly, I started coming out of my shell and gaining back confidence in myself. I started regularly socializing and opening myself up to others. I had many learning experiences with my group of friends and when I started dating. Not all of these were positive, many were detrimental to my sense of self and my trust in others.

My Personality

I have always been someone that loves to care for others. I am very empathetic, and I always want to lend a helping hand. I enjoy sitting down and connecting with other people. If I can be of any sort of help, even just by listening, then my day has been made.

Because of my kind and helping nature, I have been taken advantage of more times than I can count. I have seen many fair-weather friends. It really is sad to me that so many people take advantage of others because they are good-hearted. It is not in my nature to ever do that to someone.

Over Time

The life experiences that we go through can make or break us. Sure, we can keep a positive mindset and that helps tremendously, but we don’t forget the way that others have treated us in the past. Though much of this comes within, pleasant experiences will help our confidence and self-esteem. Experiences that cause us suffering can lead to mental health issues, lower self-esteem, and issues with trust.

The latter is a big one for me. I have had many experiences where people have taken advantage of my personality, ones that appeared to be the most loyal friends that ended up leaving and relationships where there was much dishonesty. Over time, it really weighed on me. Naturally, I decided to put a wall up.

Today

I am thankful to have a good group of friends today. I am close with only a select few, however. Many are acquaintances or good friends, but very few are best friends and ones that I can open my heart to. I am not an open book, and it takes a very long time to gain my trust and be open and vulnerable. I don’t want to be this way, I want to be able to trust everyone that I meet until they prove untrustworthy, however, the very people that I trusted to never hurt me ended up doing so in more ways than one.

I keep most people at arm’s length. I am trying hard to change this. I strive to be authentic and vulnerable; it is no easy feat. I am very friendly but also very slow to get to know. I used to put everything out there, but now my heart is guarded. I would like to unblock this energy and be able to see other people without a sense of fear. Sometimes I wonder if I am not able to pick up signs and red flags as well as others. Sometimes I think that I see people in only a good light, and I fail to spot someone who is not genuine.

I love to get to know others. I love it when they open up their hearts and minds to me, it fosters such a beautiful connection. Relationships are a two-way street and I know that if I don’t share my heart with the ones that are sharing it with me, it will be a one-sided relationship. Others may not feel as strong of a connection to me if I don’t reciprocate the intimacy and connection. I admire so much when I see two people in a loving relationship or in a deep friendship. I wonder to myself “how do they do it!?”

Knowing where we fall short and what we want to change is a huge step in the right direction. I hope that in time, I will be able to tear down these walls.