Through Thick and Thin

I’ve always heard that finding a true friend is like “finding a needle in a haystack.” The older that I get I believe this to be true. I have a good number of friends and acquaintances, but I can count on one hand the number of friends in my life that I can truly rely on and have proved themselves to be genuine.

When we first meet someone, we get a sense of their energy, and our intuition and gut instincts start to kick in and tell us whether there is a good vibe coming from this person or not. Sometimes two people meet and there is an instant connection and other times we get a strong gut reaction to stay away. It may be difficult to tell who has genuine intentions, but sooner or later the truth usually prevails.

One can get a pretty good sense of someone else’s character fairly quickly. We are keen to pick up on energy, we can see if this individual sticks to their word. Someone who matches their words with actions is typically genuine. Unfortunately, some people are very nice to others, but it is not for the fact of being nice and caring for others, it is more for personal gains. In the beginning, this person may be difficult to spot, but over time their patterns may become more noticeable.

I tend to be someone that likes to see mainly the good in someone and I know that sounds like a positive quality, but it also can hinder your judgment when you are unable to catch signs that someone may be untrue. I am so busy looking for all of the good qualities that someone possesses that I overlook the red flags.

Over the years I have been able to spot a truly genuine person over someone who is not. Someone genuine will try to keep the relationship at 50/50, their words will match their actions, they will truly care about you and ask how you are doing, and they will have your best interest in mind and be on your side and in your corner. A true friend or significant other will show interest in your life.

If you do have a true friend, keep them close as they are few and far between. It is important to note that sometimes friendships shift and dissolve over time, this does not necessarily mean that this individual was not genuine. Even the best of friends are known to become astray and it’s natural for some friendships and relationships to run their course, people just outgrow each other and sometimes this person may have been in your life for just a season or a reason.

After being burned many times by people, I used to spend so much time analyzing others’ behavior and actions to see if they were being authentic, but in hindsight, it’s better to just let things naturally unfold.

As with most things in life, the truth almost always comes out and true colors are often brought to light. For those of you that have a truly genuine soul in your life, hold onto them and never let them go, they are a rare find in this unpredictable world!

Not Meant to Be – Poem

Our bond was stuck together like glue

Forever you and I, forever me and you

We laughed and smiled getting to know each other

You went from my friend to my lover

We had many dates in store

It was then that I realized we were not compatible anymore

I thought you were mine to keep forever

But sadly we could not make it last through the weather

I have my regrets and you do too

My life was not meant to be with you

I wish you all the best in life

One day you’ll be someone’s husband and I’ll be someone’s wife



I hope you enjoyed my first WordPress poem! I wanted to give poetry a try. Have a great week everyone!

I Had a Friend

Some of the things that we have in life, we won’t have forever, in fact many things. Life is ever-changing and the people and things currently in our lives may not be there in the future, but somehow we learn to adapt.

I recently had a close friend that I have mainly lost touch with. Nothing happened between us, just contact had become one-sided. I would always reach out to my friend, yet this friend would hardly reach out to me. Time changes, people change, we come to realize a lot as time passes and we must accept and/or adapt to whatever is thrown at us, no matter if we do not like it.

This goes back to a blog post that I wrote a while back mentioning how not everyone is meant to stay in your life, some come to teach us lessons, or come in a time of need. This individual and and I are still friends, however our friendship has changed so much and we don’t talk as often, still when we do there is a lot of love for each other, but it’s not the same. Have peace in your heart knowing that things happen as they should and that people meant to stay close to you will never astray.

It’s Not Personal

In our everyday interactions with others, we experience a wide variety of responses, or sometimes even lack thereof from others.  When dealing with other people, there are so many emotions and situations that we face and naturally a lot of the time, we as humans wonder our place in it all.  How much of other’s emotions and actions are a direct result of us?

When we communicate and relate to other people, we are constantly regulating our feelings and perceptions as well as taking in verbal and non-verbal cues from others.  A lot of how we communicate is a reflection of ourselves, or how we perceive ourselves.  As human beings, we put a lot of focus, blame, attention to the things that we do “wrong,” or “right.”  In a lot of cases, we are quick to assume that if someone is upset, or is not acting themselves around us, that it’s somehow possibly our fault. 

How many times can you recall that you have said things like “I wonder what I did wrong?,” “Could I have handled that better?,” “Did I say all the wrong things?,” “Does this person care for me anymore?,”  Lots of questions like these can go through our heads when someone we know acts different towards us.  Most of the time, it actually has nothing to do with us, it’s not personal.

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Say for example, your significant other is being really quiet one day, so many things run through your head and then you start replaying the conversations that you had with them that day to see if you have somehow caused them to be upset.  You later find out after your significant other has a chance to relax and unwind that they just had a really rough day at work.  Another example, you and your best friend talk often, always exchanging text messages and phone calls, one day your texts and calls are not returned like they usually are.  Again your mind wanders and thinks of all the possible reasons why, including the fact that somehow you may be the reason why they have gone distant.  Later on that night, you find out that your best friend had a ton on their plate that day and that they put their phone away most of the day wanting some much needed alone time. 

It is really important to remember that most of the time, other people’s emotions and actions have nothing to do with us.  Even when we are mistreated, that has more to do with how the other person feels about themselves, or their life than it does with us.  We can really drive ourselves crazy taking everything in life personally.  It’s often quite a relief to find out that most of the time it wasn’t about us at all. 

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Character

Can people truly change?  This is an age-old question with a not so easy answer.  We all have opinions on whether or not people can really change.  My answer is going to be sort of a mix and I will tell you why. 

We have heard people say “I’m a changed person,” “Be with someone because you love them, not because you want to change them,” or you may hear people say to one another “You’ll never change!”  What does this all mean?  Is it possible to change and if so, in what way?  For how long?  These questions are very thought-provoking for me and slightly complicated to write about, but one that interests me.  

There are different aspects of change, they could be personality, character, habits, temperament, etc.  Some of these are more easy to change than others.  I do believe that change is possible if someone really wants to, however the question remains how long will that change last and will an individual be highly prone to slipping back to old ways?

For the most part, I believe that personality and one’s temperament are pretty solid.  Throughout life we are constantly being exposed to many situations, different people, different ways of needing to adapt, these life circumstances can change who someone is, though temperament and personality I feel stay fairly the same throughout.  I believe people have many sides to them and situations, people, and life events bring out different aspects of our personality.  For example, I consider myself more of a homebody, but when I have a lot of plans going on, or I am doing a lot socially, I enjoy them and it brings out my outgoing and carefree side.  This doesn’t mean that I am changing, just a different side of me is being brought out.  Individuals can experience traumatic situations in life and these can cause someone to change their behavior, one may even notice a change in their personality.  Life events do change us, sometimes permanently, but I feel like our personality and character is innate and can always be brought forth.  Just how we all have things that make us happy, sad, or trigger us, those things are likely not to change, they are a part of who we are. 

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As far as habits go, I feel like if someone wants to change, that is when there is the best chance of an actual change.  When people change for others, or change due to pressure, this I feel is where the change may be temporary.  Even when one changes a habit for themselves, there is always that chance of going back to what is familiar and how we have done things most, or all of our lives.  I see this in my own self.  There are certain parts of me that I try to work on often, things like relationships, communication, managing anxiety, etc.  I work very hard as these are areas where I really want to make personal changes, yet it is a constant battle trying to change what I want and doing what is innate and comes to me naturally.  I know much of it is mind over matter, however true and constant change proves very difficult, at least for me!  I feel like there are sides of us that truly make up who we are and maybe are not meant to be changed.

So, for my answer to this age-old question, I would have to say yes, people can change and people do change, however I feel for the most part that change is either temporary, or that past ways have a tendency to resurface at some point in the individual’s life. This is quite a subject to ponder and there are so many sides to look at that there could be many opinions on this topic.  This is not to say that people can’t change permanently, they absolutely do, if someone truly wants to. Feel free to share your opinion on this topic below!

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