I Had a Friend

Some of the things that we have in life, we won’t have forever, in fact many things. Life is ever-changing and the people and things currently in our lives may not be there in the future, but somehow we learn to adapt.

I recently had a close friend that I have mainly lost touch with. Nothing happened between us, just contact had become one-sided. I would always reach out to my friend, yet this friend would hardly reach out to me. Time changes, people change, we come to realize a lot as time passes and we must accept and/or adapt to whatever is thrown at us, no matter if we do not like it.

This goes back to a blog post that I wrote a while back mentioning how not everyone is meant to stay in your life, some come to teach us lessons, or come in a time of need. This individual and and I are still friends, however our friendship has changed so much and we don’t talk as often, still when we do there is a lot of love for each other, but it’s not the same. Have peace in your heart knowing that things happen as they should and that people meant to stay close to you will never astray.

It’s Not Personal

In our everyday interactions with others, we experience a wide variety of responses, or sometimes even lack thereof from others.  When dealing with other people, there are so many emotions and situations that we face and naturally a lot of the time, we as humans wonder our place in it all.  How much of other’s emotions and actions are a direct result of us?

When we communicate and relate to other people, we are constantly regulating our feelings and perceptions as well as taking in verbal and non-verbal cues from others.  A lot of how we communicate is a reflection of ourselves, or how we perceive ourselves.  As human beings, we put a lot of focus, blame, attention to the things that we do “wrong,” or “right.”  In a lot of cases, we are quick to assume that if someone is upset, or is not acting themselves around us, that it’s somehow possibly our fault. 

How many times can you recall that you have said things like “I wonder what I did wrong?,” “Could I have handled that better?,” “Did I say all the wrong things?,” “Does this person care for me anymore?,”  Lots of questions like these can go through our heads when someone we know acts different towards us.  Most of the time, it actually has nothing to do with us, it’s not personal.

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Say for example, your significant other is being really quiet one day, so many things run through your head and then you start replaying the conversations that you had with them that day to see if you have somehow caused them to be upset.  You later find out after your significant other has a chance to relax and unwind that they just had a really rough day at work.  Another example, you and your best friend talk often, always exchanging text messages and phone calls, one day your texts and calls are not returned like they usually are.  Again your mind wanders and thinks of all the possible reasons why, including the fact that somehow you may be the reason why they have gone distant.  Later on that night, you find out that your best friend had a ton on their plate that day and that they put their phone away most of the day wanting some much needed alone time. 

It is really important to remember that most of the time, other people’s emotions and actions have nothing to do with us.  Even when we are mistreated, that has more to do with how the other person feels about themselves, or their life than it does with us.  We can really drive ourselves crazy taking everything in life personally.  It’s often quite a relief to find out that most of the time it wasn’t about us at all. 

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Character

Can people truly change?  This is an age-old question with a not so easy answer.  We all have opinions on whether or not people can really change.  My answer is going to be sort of a mix and I will tell you why. 

We have heard people say “I’m a changed person,” “Be with someone because you love them, not because you want to change them,” or you may hear people say to one another “You’ll never change!”  What does this all mean?  Is it possible to change and if so, in what way?  For how long?  These questions are very thought-provoking for me and slightly complicated to write about, but one that interests me.  

There are different aspects of change, they could be personality, character, habits, temperament, etc.  Some of these are more easy to change than others.  I do believe that change is possible if someone really wants to, however the question remains how long will that change last and will an individual be highly prone to slipping back to old ways?

For the most part, I believe that personality and one’s temperament are pretty solid.  Throughout life we are constantly being exposed to many situations, different people, different ways of needing to adapt, these life circumstances can change who someone is, though temperament and personality I feel stay fairly the same throughout.  I believe people have many sides to them and situations, people, and life events bring out different aspects of our personality.  For example, I consider myself more of a homebody, but when I have a lot of plans going on, or I am doing a lot socially, I enjoy them and it brings out my outgoing and carefree side.  This doesn’t mean that I am changing, just a different side of me is being brought out.  Individuals can experience traumatic situations in life and these can cause someone to change their behavior, one may even notice a change in their personality.  Life events do change us, sometimes permanently, but I feel like our personality and character is innate and can always be brought forth.  Just how we all have things that make us happy, sad, or trigger us, those things are likely not to change, they are a part of who we are. 

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As far as habits go, I feel like if someone wants to change, that is when there is the best chance of an actual change.  When people change for others, or change due to pressure, this I feel is where the change may be temporary.  Even when one changes a habit for themselves, there is always that chance of going back to what is familiar and how we have done things most, or all of our lives.  I see this in my own self.  There are certain parts of me that I try to work on often, things like relationships, communication, managing anxiety, etc.  I work very hard as these are areas where I really want to make personal changes, yet it is a constant battle trying to change what I want and doing what is innate and comes to me naturally.  I know much of it is mind over matter, however true and constant change proves very difficult, at least for me!  I feel like there are sides of us that truly make up who we are and maybe are not meant to be changed.

So, for my answer to this age-old question, I would have to say yes, people can change and people do change, however I feel for the most part that change is either temporary, or that past ways have a tendency to resurface at some point in the individual’s life. This is quite a subject to ponder and there are so many sides to look at that there could be many opinions on this topic.  This is not to say that people can’t change permanently, they absolutely do, if someone truly wants to. Feel free to share your opinion on this topic below!

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My Mission in this World

     Within us all, we each have a passion that drives us and motivates us.  We have a goal, a mission, a mark that we want to leave on this Earth.  We are all so unique and have many different interests that spark the light within us.  I have many aspirations in this world, but one of my main missions in life is to show love, respect, kindness, compassion, and to help mankind.  Every single positive interaction that we have with others has the infinite ability to change lives and change the world. 

      A lot of times we go through life kind of on autopilot.  There’s so much to get done in a day and as we carry out our daily routines we are not always aware of the impact that we have on others and the world around us.  As I go through my day, I am not really aware of how I impact other people unless they tell me.  I try to make each interaction with others one that will help them or lift them up in some way.  If we are having a rough day, or are not in the best mood, it can be really hard to put out our best efforts to show respect and kindness to others. 

      I have been through a whole lot in my life, we all have, and I have experienced many things that I never thought that I would in my lifetime, let alone at my age.  Each of these experiences has taught me something, made me stronger, made me wiser, allowed me to see life in a very different light.  My mission in life is to inform others, help others, enlighten others, and to spread hope to other individuals.

   Helping people doesn’t have to be anything major, a simple smile, hug, a thinking-of-you card, or a text to check in on someone could mean the world to them.  I wrote in one of my past blogs about a woman that I had given a compliment to and she smiled and was taken aback by it, she then told me that no one had given her a complement for years.  Not only did this break my heart, it made me realize that everything we do and say no matter how small it seems to us has the potential to have so much power and affect someone’s life.  

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    Helping other people benefits everyone involved.  There is such joy and happiness that comes from knowing that you have helped someone, or turned their day around.  People who receive help and love are more likely to pay it forward.  It is also important to note that not everyone shows love and compassion in the same way.  Some may like to cook someone a meal, send a card, make a phone call to check in, a smile, a hug, even just truly listening shows compassion, the ways are really endless.

       I can think of many times in my life that people were there for me and unfortunately many times where people hurt me.  It’s definitely a part of growing and learning, but people don’t forget kindness, they don’t forget the people that were there for them when no one else was.  What we say and do has a lasting effect on other people, this is a big motivator to help me try to do my best daily.  I have so much that I am working on to try to better myself, there are things that I would like to improve on, no one is anywhere near perfect, we all have flaws, fears, and we all have a past full of experiences as human beings.  My mission for this world is to spread love and respect for mankind, it’s up to us, we have the power.  Have a great day all and try to do something today to show your love to someone, it’ll make both of your days.

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Calling Compassion

Have you ever wondered how different this world could be if we all learned to have respect and compassion for others? So many of our world’s problems stem from a lack of compassion for mankind. Sometimes we may be stressed, or caught up in our own lives, and we may forget just how much of an impact our words and actions have on someone else.

I am sure that most of us can recall moments in our lives where we have felt disrespected or unimportant. We may have been bullied at school or at work, we may have confided in a friend who didn’t seem to care much about what we had to say. We could have experienced loneliness that made us feel unworthy. The smallest gestures – a smile, a nod, a handshake, a hug, even a kind word, or simple hello can bring so much happiness to someone’s day. Kind gestures can foster trust between two people, you never know if you may be the only person who has shown such kindness to that individual in a long time. I recently spoke with someone who said that I was the first person to give her a compliment for as long as she could remember, I was surprised and saddened by this.

Compassion not only makes the receiving individual happy, but being the one showing love and compassion to others is such a boost to our own happiness. Helping others is so fulfilling and rewarding. We don’t truly know what is going on in other people’s lives, they are fighting battles that we may know nothing about. An act of kindness no matter how small goes a long way. If we could all learn to get along and show love, or at the very least respect, this world would be a much better place. We are not going to like everyone that we encounter in our lives, but at the very least, there should be a mutual level of respect as human beings. Sometimes that is very difficult especially if another individual has done us wrong, but if we choose compassion, we won’t have to live with such negativity in our hearts and on our conscience.

There are many ways to show compassion to others. A smile, a conversation, a comforting hug, a card, a text or call to check in, even just listening to someone and offering your time. There are times that we get so caught up in the everyday that we forget the impact that we make on others unless they tell us. No matter what we are facing, we should always choose to press forward with love in our hearts, it can make a difference to your world and mine.