Tag: Friends

The Meaning of Your Last Words

Do you remember any last words that you have said to someone? Most likely if you do, you remember them because it was a life-changing moment or one with intense emotions.

Possibly the last words that you said to someone else were during a breakup, the loss of a friendship, maybe even right before the death of a loved one. During everyday life, we may not notice what our last words are to someone, we carry on day in and day out. Sure, we know the importance of words and communication, but we may not place much emphasis on it until something major happens to us.

Choose Your Words Wisely

We know how much of an impact our words have on people, they can truly make or break others. Most likely, when we are in the heat of the moment and arguing with a partner or friend, we are not concerned about saying the wrong things that are hurting the other person, we are caught up in expressing our frustrations. It is afterward, once we have calmed down, that we realize the aftermath. By then, sometimes the damage is done, other times it may be repaired.

Many of us probably remember the last words that we said to someone before a breakup and the loss of a friendship. Those are powerful moments that tend to be etched into our minds. These last words can haunt us for eternity if we don’t allow ourselves to work through it and heal.

On the flip side, our positive words and words of affection and caring stick with someone as well. Even when contact naturally drifts apart, the memories of the person will not fade. People will always remember those who made them smile and lifted them up.

Let Me Tell You a Story

Not too long ago, I wrote a story about living with medical issues. They have changed my life. I also have a new perspective on life because of this, so not all is bad, it is just something that I have to live with. We all have things that we have to live with. No one’s life is anywhere close to perfect!

About 10 years ago, I had to have surgery to remove my gallbladder due to complications from Lyme Disease. I was in the emergency room due to having really bad back pain on my right side and pain underneath my right rib.

The ER doctor did an ultrasound and found a lot of gallstones. I was told that I needed surgery and was given the name of a doctor that would be performing it for me. I called their office, and they got me in the next morning. We will call him Dr. S.

My Doctor’s Visit

I arrived at the doctor’s office the next day. I filled out the new patient paperwork and waited to be called back. A nurse took me to a room not too long after that and took my vitals. I had a fever of 103°. When Dr. S came in, he did an exam and pressed on certain areas of my stomach. He asked in great detail my symptoms and asked many questions.

Dr. S told me that I needed emergency surgery, but that he would have to cut me open instead of doing it laparoscopically and that it could have a death rate of up to 50% due to the degree of the infection and that infection being exposed to my entire abdominal area. Of course, we were not willing to take that risk, so he put me on 9 days of bed rest. I was on about four medications and a very strict diet. I could not eat any sort of fat, because it causes the gallbladder to work harder and mine was infected and had gallstones. I lived off of cereal, skim milk, water, fruits, and vegetables for 9 days. I lost 14 pounds from this diet that I had to be on, it made me so weak.

Nine days later, once the infection was cleared, I was able to have surgery laparoscopically with the normal risks associated with the procedure. Dr. S showed me compassion and kindness the entire way through. He would call me every few days while on bedrest to check on me. He monitored my symptoms and when surgery day came, he was so calming and gave me encouragement and strength. He made a huge difference in my experience.

The Day

Surgery day came and went. Overall, the surgery went well. There were some issues, but nothing major. I followed up with Dr. S shortly after surgery. He showed me pictures of the surgery and let me know what he found. I thanked him tremendously and left thinking that I would never see him again. What a kind soul that touched my life. Little did I know, I would.

About 5 years after my surgery, I started having twinges of pain in my right upper abdominal area. Sometimes, the pain was sharp. I made an appointment to see Dr. S and he ordered an ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay. Thankfully, everything was. He said it isn’t uncommon to have pain for many years on and off in that area due to gallbladder removal.

Thanking him, I left the office and about a month later I received an unexpected phone call from him.

The Call

Dr. S had called to ask if I was doing okay, this is the kind of doctor that he was. A doctor like him is extremely rare. Most doctors will not follow up out of the kindness of their hearts, probably because they simply can’t with the number of patients that they have. Dr. S was in his mid-seventies, so he had a lighter caseload than many. He loved being a doctor and wasn’t ready to retire.

I was surprised, but also so appreciative of the call. I remember telling him at the end of the call that he was one of the most amazing doctors that I have ever had and that he takes great care of his patients. I told him that I could not thank him enough for all that he did for me during a very scary and unknown time in my life. I made sure to pour my heart out as this was most likely going to be the last time that I spoke to him.

Little did I know, it was the last time. About a week later, I received a letter in the mail from the doctor’s office that Dr. S had passed away.

The Importance

I debated on sharing this story, because it is a very sad one, but I decided to because it offers a very important message.

I am so glad that I had the chance to express my heart to this doctor and let him know that he is a good soul who cares for others.

We never know when our last day or someone else’s last day will be. Sometimes we get caught up in the “now” that we forget this. When anger takes ahold of us, may we find strength to speak from a place of understanding. This way we can live with peace in our hearts.

Our words impact others more than we can ever imagine.

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Have A Conversation

Spring has arrived. The weather has been up and down as usual for spring. We had a really warm day a few days ago and I took my kids outside to play. Nature is amazing and so healing, we spend as much time outside as possible.

My neighbor who we will call, Jenny, was out with her children as well and we got them together to play for a while. As they played, we talked. Jenny is an incredibly kind soul and a very genuine person. I feel so blessed that we are neighbors. Our children are all very young and close in age, which makes for a lot of fun.

Some other parents may know how challenging it can be raising little ones. It is an absolute joy, but it comes with its challenges for sure. Jenny and I can openly communicate our feelings and concerns about motherhood or certain childhood behaviors and situations.

We Aren’t Alone

It’s always refreshing to talk to her because I don’t feel so alone. It melts the stress away by realizing that we and many others are in this together and doing the best that we can. Had I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, I may have not gotten the chance to realize that all that I am experiencing and going through is “normal.” I don’t like that term too much because I don’t think there is such a thing, it’s a very broad spectrum. My main point in all of this is that we can see that we aren’t alone in this life journey.

Experiences 

Have you ever had the feeling that you are so different from everyone? Maybe you feel like no one can relate to you, or that no one truly understands where you’re coming from and who you are.

Have you ever noticed how this can be wrong? Having conversations with others can really be very eye-opening. We realize that we are not alone. There are other people that think the way that we do, and there are other people that have gone through what we have.

Sure, we are all on a different journeys with unique struggles, but we are all human and we can relate to each other if given the chance. There have been things that I don’t want to bring up out of fear of being “alone,” but when someone else brings it up, it’s like “wow!” I cannot believe that this happened to you also. It’s also important to note that being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. We are all unique in our own ways, but we find comfort knowing that others can relate to us.

We are more alike than we are different. We all have different sides of us and experiences. Sometimes we may feel ashamed or embarrassed, and we don’t want to talk about certain things, but opening up and being vulnerable can really take a lot of stress off of us if we can find connections with others.

Take the Compliment

What is your first response when someone compliments you? Do you take it and say, “thank you?”, shrug it off, or maybe you are like me, and you’re truly grateful for it, but you negate it. Why would one negate it? It is because the receiver may not always believe the compliment to be true. This can be detrimental!

When someone compliments us, most of the time they are being honest and genuine. Most people will not take the time to compliment someone just for kicks. There was something that they felt was special about you and they wanted to let you know. Compliments are a great way to break the ice and bond with another person. We all love to hear a good word about ourselves, it makes us feel great inside.

Examples

Try to imagine yourself in the following scenario. Picture yourself as both the giver and the receiver of the compliment:

Mark: “I really love your writing; you are very talented.”

Travis: “Thank you, but it’s nothing special, I am really just an average writer.”

I can only speculate about how others feel but given that I have been in this situation on both sides, I know how I felt. Mark is happy to express his love for Travis’ writing, but Travis responds to his compliment by saying that he’s just average. Mark may feel like his feelings have been shot down, or that Travis disagrees with him. Travis may be happy on the inside after hearing the compliment, but he is not letting it build him up, he doesn’t own the compliment and take a moment to make him feel boosted and happy! Both most likely walk away feeling disconnected.

It is hard to take a compliment if we don’t believe it, but if we practice accepting compliments and the kind words that others give us, it can really positively impact us and others. 

Imagine yourself in this scenario now as both the commenter and receiver:

Shelley: “You work really well under pressure; I truly admire that about you.”

Christina: “Oh, thank you so much! That makes me happy, I try hard to stay focused and relaxed.”

Shelley has given a nice and motivating compliment to Christina who graciously accepts! Shelley is feeling so happy that she could positively impact Christina by sharing her feelings and Christina is happy and feeling boosted that her efforts are paying off. Both walk away feeling happy and bonded.

The Mirror Lies

What we see in the mirror isn’t what everyone else sees. We often don’t see ourselves in a bright light like everyone else sees us. We see flaws and failure; they see strength and confidence. I love compliments, I think that most of us do. I don’t always believe the compliment being made about myself, but I am trying very hard not to negate it. I try to own it, to embrace it, to let it bring me and someone else joy.

The next time that you are given a compliment, try to embrace it if you don’t already, and see where that takes you. I am willing to bet that it will leave you feeling confident and lifted!

“We Are All Just Walking Each Other Home.”

I came across this beautiful quote by Ram Dass. I was in awe of its beauty and how it can represent several meanings. I love quotes, especially ones with a deep meaning. They often awaken something within me and help me see life in a different light. They offer encouragement and are beautiful words to ponder.

I took this quote two different ways, both equally beautiful. Perhaps, others will see this quote and understand it in a different way than I have. That’s what makes life beautiful, we all are working towards something together and see things in many different ways. It truly makes the world go round.

Meanings

The first meaning that I thought of when I saw this quote was that “home” represented Heaven, a place that I feel that we go after we leave our physical body. We are all here on Earth discovering our path to life and learning along the way. We are learning lessons, teaching lessons, and sharing a bit of ourselves with the world around us. In return, we are helping others to do the same. In a sense, every step that we take, every decision that we make, and every time that we help others, we are walking them “home.” We are with them in their life path from the beginning to the end.

The second meaning that I got from this quote was that “home” is regarding our “soul” and “heart.” When we talk and share with others, we are learning about them and helping them learn more about themselves. Often, we can learn even more about ourselves as we encounter different people and situations. In a sense, we are walking each other “home” to our true selves. Our home is a place where we tend to feel loved, secure, and safe.

Interpretation

How do you interpret this quote? This quote speaks volumes and I find it very beautiful. 

Pondering life is one of my favorite things. I like to think deeply about why we are here, what our mission is, and how we all relate to each other. I find it amazing that we are all truly miracles. Just being born is a miracle in itself!

At Arm’s Length

As a young girl, I was always very outgoing and silly. I enjoyed smiling, laughing, and joking around. I also had a huge passion for making other people laugh. I wanted to see everyone with a smile on their face.

During my teenage years, I became withdrawn. I started dealing with anxiety and depression that stemmed from extreme social anxiety. I spoke to a few friends, but it was all small talk. The middle school years and most of my high school years were very trying times for me.

Young adulthood soon approached and slowly by slowly, I started coming out of my shell and gaining back confidence in myself. I started regularly socializing and opening myself up to others. I had many learning experiences with my group of friends and when I started dating. Not all of these were positive, many were detrimental to my sense of self and my trust in others.

My Personality

I have always been someone that loves to care for others. I am very empathetic, and I always want to lend a helping hand. I enjoy sitting down and connecting with other people. If I can be of any sort of help, even just by listening, then my day has been made.

Because of my kind and helping nature, I have been taken advantage of more times than I can count. I have seen many fair-weather friends. It really is sad to me that so many people take advantage of others because they are good-hearted. It is not in my nature to ever do that to someone.

Over Time

The life experiences that we go through can make or break us. Sure, we can keep a positive mindset and that helps tremendously, but we don’t forget the way that others have treated us in the past. Though much of this comes within, pleasant experiences will help our confidence and self-esteem. Experiences that cause us suffering can lead to mental health issues, lower self-esteem, and issues with trust.

The latter is a big one for me. I have had many experiences where people have taken advantage of my personality, ones that appeared to be the most loyal friends that ended up leaving and relationships where there was much dishonesty. Over time, it really weighed on me. Naturally, I decided to put a wall up.

Today

I am thankful to have a good group of friends today. I am close with only a select few, however. Many are acquaintances or good friends, but very few are best friends and ones that I can open my heart to. I am not an open book, and it takes a very long time to gain my trust and be open and vulnerable. I don’t want to be this way, I want to be able to trust everyone that I meet until they prove untrustworthy, however, the very people that I trusted to never hurt me ended up doing so in more ways than one.

I keep most people at arm’s length. I am trying hard to change this. I strive to be authentic and vulnerable; it is no easy feat. I am very friendly but also very slow to get to know. I used to put everything out there, but now my heart is guarded. I would like to unblock this energy and be able to see other people without a sense of fear. Sometimes I wonder if I am not able to pick up signs and red flags as well as others. Sometimes I think that I see people in only a good light, and I fail to spot someone who is not genuine.

I love to get to know others. I love it when they open up their hearts and minds to me, it fosters such a beautiful connection. Relationships are a two-way street and I know that if I don’t share my heart with the ones that are sharing it with me, it will be a one-sided relationship. Others may not feel as strong of a connection to me if I don’t reciprocate the intimacy and connection. I admire so much when I see two people in a loving relationship or in a deep friendship. I wonder to myself “how do they do it!?”

Knowing where we fall short and what we want to change is a huge step in the right direction. I hope that in time, I will be able to tear down these walls.