Are You in a Season of Waiting?

Some of you may be waiting for love, test results from your doctor, or even your dream job.

There are times in life when we feel like we are constantly waiting for something. For someone to pop into our lives, for something to happen. I am currently in a season of waiting. It is an uncomfortable feeling, but a few things have helped me along the way.

Waiting Patiently

Waiting for things that we want is very difficult. It is human nature to want something and to want it now. Patience truly is a virtue; it is hard to desire something and to have to be patient about it. We are hardwired to want instant gratification.

I am at a season in my life where I am waiting. Many things in my life right now are up in the air and as unsettled as that leaves me feeling, I know that it is a part of life. If we think about it, we are almost always waiting for something or someone.

Life Makes Us Wait

We may be waiting for the bus, our workday to be over, a green light at a traffic stop, we might be waiting for dinner, or our turn in line. Why don’t these types of situations cause anxiety while waiting? In these cases, we know that we will get what we want. There is no anxiety because we don’t have to guess whether or not our wants and needs will be met.

In other larger instances, we don’t know what the outcome will be. Unlike above, we know that the light will eventually turn green, we will eventually get off of work, and we will have dinner at some point. These larger situations in our lives can create a lot of turmoil and anxiety.

We start to wonder; will I find love? Will I get a job? Will my friend and I be able to work out a conflict? Our minds and imaginations go wild, and we start thinking of all possible scenarios. Will our test results come back with good news from the doctor? Am I going to have a future where I am financially secure?

What I Found Helpful

As I sit here and reflect on my season of waiting, here are some things that have helped me get through:

  1. Acknowledging that we will always want and desire something that we cannot have immediately. Even when we do finally obtain what we are looking for, there will always be something else that we will want in the future. Knowing that even when we get the one thing that we need or want now, it doesn’t mean that we will be free from desire in the future. As humans, we are always longing for something.

2. Being distracted is a huge help. Get involved in activities, and hobbies, and socialize when possible. Being with others and keeping your mind busy makes waiting feel a lot shorter than when we sit and dwell on something.

3. Practicing mindfulness can help as well. When we see what we do have in the present moment, it can help us feel fulfilled and grateful instead of focusing on what we lack.

Closing Remarks

Perhaps one of the biggest things that can help is also the simplest and that is holding onto hope. If we haven’t lost hope, we are in pretty good shape! Life can truly change at any moment and what are desiring may just be a day away.

Most of the time, we do eventually get what we desire out of life, even if it’s not exactly what we wanted or the way that we expected it to end up being. When we do finally get our heart’s desire, it will be the most amazing feeling in the world!

My College Major Changed Me

I have been out of college for many years now, but I can tell you one thing, the major that I choose has changed my life.

I’d like to say that it has changed me for the better, however, it has also changed me for the worse.

Background

Once I graduated high school, I was not certain which path I wanted to take in terms of a college major. I was always told to just feel each subject out and see which one that I was drawn to, it sounded easy and like great advice and it ended up being just that!

I had many classes that I thoroughly enjoyed. I would say that my top two subjects were Psychology and English. I loved both for different reasons. Given the nature of the job that I wanted to pursue at the time and an extreme interest and passion mine, I chose to major in Psychology. Little did I know, it would change the way that I saw myself and the world around me forever.

My Love

Psychology drew me in because I have always been fascinated with the human mind and finding out why people behave the way that they do. We are all born as blank slates, yet we all develop into very different beings, that is fascinating to me!

As I took many Psychology courses over the years, I learned so much about myself and the world around me. I was able to understand why I had become the person that I was and how the brain works and responds to people and life situations. I was able to understand others better with this newfound knowledge and empathy that came with it.

It was almost as though Psychology was the book of life, it felt as if this subject held all of the answers to the complexity of the human mind and behavior. I was captivated!

The Downside

As with many things in life, there are usually positives and negatives. I adore Psychology and all that it entails, but learning this subject to the extent that I did was detrimental to me in some ways.

Years after I graduated from college, I noticed that my anxiety was much worse than it usually had been. I have dealt with extreme anxiety since I was very little. I began to realize that the way that we are taught this subject and the ways that they have us learning the material truly changed the way that my brain responded to life and even to myself.

In Psychology, we were taught to analyze, analyze, and analyze some more. We were taught to observe very carefully and taught to look at people, situations, and ultimately life in many different ways. Yes, this sounds like a great thing and it is to an extent, but it became a constant in my life.

Taking Over

I found myself analyzing my life, thoughts, and behavior to an extreme. Psychology teaches you that there is a reason behind everything and that includes people’s actions. Therefore, I was always hunting for reasons and the meaning behind everything.

I started seeing life in many different aspects. I started viewing other people very differently, I was so curious as to why and how people behaved the way they did. It seemed as though I was always searching for information to complete my analysis and observations.

I wasn’t comfortable with this new way of viewing life. I understand that these are all necessary and helpful skills to have, especially if one is to become a therapist or social worker for example, however for me, it was overpowering, and I wasn’t able to separate myself from it.

Question

I know several of you talented individuals are in the field of Psychology. For those of you that are therapists, social workers, or even those that majored in Psychology as well, did you ever notice a drastic change in the way that you viewed life and other people after studying Psychology?

Closing

This subject was and still is my favorite subject of all time. I truly adore it and there is always so much to learn and gain. There are many times that I wish that my mind wasn’t so “stuck” in Psychology mode, but given this, I still would have chosen to major in this field.

It’s pretty amazing to me that what we expose ourselves to in our life truly does have a tremendous impact on us. Just a little food for thought as you go about your day. Surround yourself with good people and try to live life the best that you can, we are like sponges are we are truly changed by what we experience for better or for worse.

For Sale

A few weeks ago, I looked outside

There was a large moving truck with nowhere to hide

I watched as you took your belongings out to the truck

You were peaceful neighbors, we were in luck

We shared a smile or two

Our kids played outside together as little kids do

We didn’t know you very well

The thought of you leaving still makes our hearts swell

It’s funny how we got so used to seeing you every day

Of course, we wish that you would stay

We really hope that you like your new place

A for sale sign is what we now must face

Silliness

It feels silly to actually be upset about my neighbors moving out given that the extent of our conversations was just cordial. Even so, their presence is missed.

They have been next door to us for about three years. We get so used to familiarity and we don’t like when things change unexpectedly. I can only hope that we have another peaceful family that moves in next to us.

It’s still hard to look outside and see the for-sale sign hanging in the yard. I suppose it is because it’s another reminder that nothing in life is permanent. Enjoy every moment, for everything has its time and place.

The things that we see daily today will not always be there. This is a great reminder to practice gratitude and be thankful for everything, even the small things!

The Magic of the Night

I have always feared the night, yet I find it magical at the same time. You will hardly ever catch me walking outside at nighttime, and even driving in my car at night has an eerie feeling to it.

As night falls, there is a noticeable shift in me. During the day, I am always running around doing housework, running errands, and chasing after my young kids. I am constantly hopping from one thing to the next without much time to just be.

The Shift

Nighttime has always been a time for reflection for me. No matter how busy I have been, or what kind of day I have had, I always take a moment to sit in my thoughts and feel whatever emotions I have.

There is something so inviting about the darkness, the pin-drop silence, and the coziness of being inside as the night surrounds us. It is almost as if the night begs me to bask in its ambiance.

 I have always been one to become very emotional at night. I spend time often in a state of reflection and reminiscing about my past. I like to reflect on where I am going in life and how I want to get there. My feelings and emotions become very magnified, sometimes much stronger than I want to feel.

In My Head

It is the night that has me turning inwards, replaying life events, and feeling the overwhelming thoughts in my head. My heart and mind speak back and forth in tandem. It is their time to shine. It is the night that allows me to just be.

Most of the time, the night is a very positive experience for me and the only time that I truly get with myself. Other times, the night is more than I can handle. There is no off switch, the hamster wheel keeps going around and around with no sign of stopping.

I Find Peace

Without any noise and extra stimulus that occurs during the day, the night is mine to spend however I want to. A wave of peace usually rushes over me, and I sit in silence so golden that I can hear myself breathing and I can focus on every breath.

I often write at nighttime. I have a recliner chair with a little table next to it and I sit there wrapped in a blanket in a pitch-black room with only the light of my laptop screen reflecting onto my face. The blanket makes me feel cozy, in fact, you will find me wrapped up in a blanket even on the hottest days of summer.

On my table, I usually have a little plate of snacks to enjoy as I wind down for the day. I put my fingers on the keyboard and let them take me away.

Life’s Balance

As with everything in life, balance is beautiful and what we strive for. The bright days, the dark nights, the sunny weather and the rainy, the chaotic moments and the peaceful ones.

They all blend together in perfect harmony.

I Forgive Myself

Some of you may recall reading about the story of my ex-boyfriend. It was a summary of what happened in our relationship, including the end. I chose to write him a letter expressing my feelings, one that I have zero intention of sending.

I received many kind and supportive comments, both here and on Medium, and I truly cannot thank you all enough. It meant so much to me to hear your stories, feel your love and support, and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone. There was one comment in particular that struck me and one that sends a beautiful message that we all need to hear.

The Comments

I was scrolling through the comments and my heart was flooded with love and warmth. I felt like I wasn’t alone, I felt like I was heard and understood. I felt grateful that I could release my emotions in the form of a letter and still have someone stand by my side. One comment, in particular, melted my heart and got me thinking. The comment mentioned that I should show myself kindness and make sure to forgive myself in this situation.

What a beautiful reminder! “Forgive yourself.” Two very powerful words. We spend so much time forgiving others and being kind and respectful to other people, which is wonderful, but do we do this for ourselves? We should be on the list of people that we forgive and are kind to, after all, we are all human.

The Wheels are Turning

I had to read this beautiful comment twice because it struck me. This lovely individual was right, I needed to cut myself some slack and forgive myself. As human beings, we tend to beat ourselves up over many things in life. If the same thing were to happen to a loved one, we most likely would respond with empathy and understanding, but when it happens to us, we are way too hard on ourselves. My brain started thinking of so many things.

I was reminded that I need to be kinder to myself. I spend so much time being kind to others, I should also include myself because I am deserving, every being is deserving. We are all human and we are all learning. No one is perfect. We get up every day and try our best.

Forgiving Myself

I began to think of ways that I could forgive myself regarding this situation. I forgive myself for not openly communicating, and for not knowing what to do to resolve the issues. I forgive myself for being human and having feelings that I couldn’t express fully and clearly enough. I forgive myself for not seeing the signs sooner, possibly due to denial.

It felt amazing to think about why I deserve forgiveness and kindness. This comment helped me so much with healing and moving forward. I did the best that I could at the time, and I learned a whole lot. If I ever find myself in this situation again, I will know how to handle it.

An Important Reminder

The words of others are extremely important. This is just one example of how others’ words can truly influence us. We must remember the power of words. It’s almost important to remember to show ourselves the kindness that we deserve. We are so quick to get angry and upset with ourselves, but we could all be in a better place if we chose to have the patience that we have with others for ourselves.

Thank you for reminding me that I am human and that it is okay to make a mistake. Thank you for reminding me that I too deserve the love, kindness, and forgiveness that I give so freely to others.

Every burden that we carry adds weight to our hearts and prevents us from true happiness. Is there something that you can forgive yourself for today?