Tag: Confidence

Someone Has to Make the First Move

Think of a game of chess. Two people are sitting together ready to make a move. One player has to make the first move and a chain reaction follows. The players keep taking turns, each action forms a reaction, and the chain goes on.

Just like a game of chess, the people and situations in our lives also live by this rule. Someone has to make the first move. Sure, things just randomly happen in life, but overall, they are the result of actions.

Life Examples

Imagine yourself at a wedding in which you don’t know anyone else, you are just there supporting the two individuals about to get married. You look around at the groups of family and friends and can’t help but feel out of place as you are there solo.

If it weren’t for your love of the two people getting married, you wouldn’t have gone at all. You have two options. You can sit quietly and take it all in, or you can branch out and walk over and say hi to some of the other guests. Either way, there is no right or wrong, but choosing to walk over and talk with others could change your day and possibly your life. 

Imagine if one of the people that you spoke to became your best friend over time, or that they knew someone and introduced you and then you two become lovers.

The Dating World 

It is often up for debate who should make the first move in the dating world. Sometimes meeting someone happens by fate and there was not much initiating, but much of the time, someone had to be bold enough to make the first move.

Picture yourself at a bar, restaurant, gathering, or any other social event. You may find others that pique your interest and that you would love to get to know better. Many times, the two individuals sit admiring each other from across the room, but no one makes a move, and the opportunity is lost. 

It’s natural to be scared and not want to approach others first. If no one chooses to step up first, then there is a great chance that we will be left dreaming, hoping, and imagining what could be. I am also a big believer in fate, however, so I feel that if something is truly meant to be it will happen even if it takes a miracle.

Jobwise

If we are wanting a new job, we could sit back and hope for the right circumstances and job to present themselves to us. We may want to wait until life calms down a bit before pursuing a new career, but truth be told, life never really calms down!

We spend time fixing up our resumes, and we apply for jobs that interest us. We have made the first move. The chain reaction that follows is hopefully being contacted by a prospective employer for an interview, which will then hopefully land us a new job. Your hard work has set off a reaction!

Fear Limits Us

Fear limits many things in our lives. We may avoid certain situations and people because we are afraid of the reactions of others and how the situation will play out. We don’t want to feel rejected or misunderstood and sometimes not taking a chance at all feels like the safest option.

While it may be the safest, there is no room for growth and happiness to expand in our lives. We may end up stuck in the same rut out of fear of change. We should try to be proactive with the things that we want in life. Many times, it is worth the risk!

In life, we must try to take every chance that we get no matter how scared because something really beautiful might be on the other side.

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You Are Leaving a Mark

I had just finished having an early dinner the other day and I decided to walk over to the window that overlooks the deck.

I glanced outside and saw a magnificent sunset. The trees were bare, not a leaf in sight as we head towards the last few weeks of fall and into winter.

My eyes stared at the multi-colored sky and honed in on the beautiful orange color. The branches were so open without the leaves and there it was…my eye caught a bird’s nest.

I Looked Deeper

I got lost in thought as I examined this bird’s nest. It was large and nestled safely in the branches. The nest was empty because it is so cold here, and many of the birds have flown south for the winter.

My mind started to wander. At one point in the spring or summer, a bird created a nest to live in and to have its babies in. The nest was built with love and care and served an amazing purpose.

Given that the weather is so cold here and that there are no leaves left on the trees to hide the nest safely, it appeared as though the nest is abandoned.

Flooded with Emotions 

There I was, peering out of the window, staring at this nest that a bird created many months ago. At one point, this nest was thriving with babies and today it lay abandoned as winter approaches.

Even though most of the birds migrate away from this area once the weather gets cold, they leave a trail behind them.

In this case, a beautiful nest was left behind. One that once represented love, safety, and new life. The birds may be gone, but the beauty and meaning live on.

You Matter 

Every act of kindness that you show and every word that you choose to speak or write lives on in some way. Others will not forget your kind words in times of despair. Your writing is and will continue to impact other people who come across it, even many years down the line.

Every day that you live, you are leaving a mark. Beauty lives on and reminds us of where we have been. You may have moved, changed jobs, or left a relationship, but the impact that you made is never lost.

YOU are important and you matter. YOU are making a difference in this world. The days come and go, but the mark that you leave on this Earth will forever remain.

How Many Times?

It’s happened to so many of us, you are sitting down focusing on what you are going to say and write, your mind is spinning with words as you come up with a way to present it perfectly, and then, pause, you delete it. If you are like me, this has happened one too many times.


How many times have you started writing a text message only to turn around and delete it? How many times have you spent precious time out of your day to create a blog post only to leave it unpublished? How many times have you bitten your tongue from saying something that you truly wanted to say? My guess is many.


Our thought process, though complex, is very natural. We see or hear something and we have a quick natural response to it inside our heads. When we are having a conversation with someone else, our minds are steadily creating thoughts and branches of thoughts. Your response to what another individual is saying most likely is fairly instantaneous. Your reaction is a true from-the-heart response.


The act of texting someone back and writing a blog post means that you had something that you wanted to say, something that was on your mind or in your heart. This response is authentic and often occurs without prolonged thinking. Whatever you had desired to write was important to you in some way, it had meaning and was genuine. What makes us want to delete something that we believed in and said?


There are many reasons that something we wanted to say will be left unsaid. We might be afraid of judgment, afraid to be vulnerable, worried that someone may disagree, fear rejection, or even that we may hurt someone’s feelings. You started to pour your heart out in a text message that took you several minutes to write just to instantly delete it, you started writing a blog post that will never be seen by another person’s eyes, you don’t reveal 100% of how you truly feel to avoid confrontation with another person.


This type of behavior is natural, yet it is not very positive for our lives. When we have something to say that ends up going unsaid, it puts a barrier between us and those that we love. We are not speaking our minds, which ends up hurting us because we are not truly being who we are. Having to withhold what you want to say is very detrimental to one’s autonomy. Of course, there may be times that we should not speak our minds, especially if it pertains to something that could offend someone. Feeling free to be ourselves is very beneficial to our overall wellbeing.


The next time that you have something to say, let it be known and see where it takes you. As a human being, you have the right to share with others what is on your mind and in your heart. We should not have to feel like we have to sensor everything we say unless, of course, it is something that could hurt another.


Send that text to a long-lost friend, have an open-hearted conversation with your significant other, and publish the blog post that you wrote that you didn’t think was worthy enough to be posted because what you have to say matters. Your words, thoughts, ideas, and feelings are all valid and important. The more that you start to align your actions with your thoughts and keep as close to your authentic self as possible, the more peace that you will attract in your life. Say what is on your mind and in your heart for the things left unsaid will never be known to anyone.

Truly Love Yourself

I’ve always heard that you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. To be honest, I never really believed that until recently. I always thought that I have plenty of love to give, why couldn’t I possibly love someone completely without 100% loving myself first? I have started to realize why.

We are our own worst critics, possibly because we know ourselves as no one else does, also we know all of our faults and our past. I’m sure that many of you have been given a compliment from someone and you appreciated it so much, yet you didn’t believe it to be true. Maybe you were told that you are a good communicator, that you are attractive, smart, and funny. It was great to hear a sincere compliment from someone, but you didn’t feel it inside and that took some of the joy away from those wonderful words. We are putting distance between ourselves and those that we love when we don’t truly love and have confidence in ourselves.

The act of loving oneself is not saying that you love yourself and your qualities 100% of the time. We all have things that we do not like about ourselves, however, the art of loving yourself comes down to forgiving yourself, being at peace with your past, having confidence in who you are and what you stand for, and truly being able to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are proud and happy of who you have become.

When we love ourselves wholly, it opens up a brand new world for us to find, we are then able to sincerely love someone else as we can finally share pieces of ourselves that we may have hidden before accepting ourselves.
For those of you that love yourself unconditionally, I am very proud of you for reaching this level of confidence and peace. For those of you that have yet to reach this, I have faith that you will get there and I understand because I have been in your place, sometimes I still find myself there, but I can bring myself back.

The biggest step that I feel has been the most helpful in my life is negating every destructive thought with something positive, or at the very least, neutral. For example, if you are working on a challenging project at work and you are ready to give up, instead of telling yourself “I can’t do this, I am always a failure,” negate that thought to tell yourself that you acknowledge that the project is difficult, but you are trying your best and giving it your all. If you feel that you are not good at relationships you might feel that it’s all your fault and that no one loves you. Instead of this approach, negate that thought to tell yourself that you will work hard on communicating your feelings and that sometimes people are not always compatible.

Start working on all aspects of yourself until you are happy and can confidently say that you love yourself. Once you have mastered loving yourself, the whole world opens up to you and it is then that you will truly be ready to love someone else with your entire heart and soul. Get out a journal, or a piece of paper and write down all of the things that you love about yourself and the things that you are grateful for, you will find out what a mood booster this is!