All of us are working on some aspect of ourselves or our lives. We want happiness, stability, and a sense of belonging.
We may often take a look and evaluate our lives and where we want to be. We may notice aspects of ourselves that are working for us and parts that need to change.
Throughout our lives, our goals may change depending on what season we are in. We may jump from wanting to visit the gym every day, to wanting to advance ourselves in our careers, to desiring marriage and children. Whatever goal you are trying to reach, most likely the result that you are searching for is happiness.
My Current Goal
I would like to share with you a goal that I am currently working on. It has been quite a struggle, but I am determined to reach it because I know that it will greatly impact my life.
Growing up, I was never one to share what was on my mind, or in my heart. I was friendly with others, but also shy, especially in my teenage years. I kept to myself a lot and was very reserved. I didn’t want to open up to anyone. I was always afraid of rejection, or worried about what others would think of me.
Fast-forward to the adult that I am today and unfortunately many of those same qualities remain because I have never taken the time to try to fix them until now. My fears of rejection led me to not live authentically. It led me to live a life of superficial relationships and communication that was nothing more than small talk.
I Craved More
I knew something was missing in my life. Despite my shy nature growing up, I felt that there had to be something more, I knew something was lacking. I was a girl that hardly made eye contact because I lacked confidence. I was friendly with other people, but it never went beyond small talk because I was so afraid to open up and be myself. The vulnerability was a scary feeling.
As I became older, I realized that I craved a lot more from life and my relationships. I craved eye contact, I craved deep conversation, and I wanted to be close to others and be able to talk freely and openly.
I want to live more authentically. I want to be able to openly and directly communicate with other people. I desire to fully love myself. I truly want to be able to communicate with others without needing to sugarcoat or communicating indirectly.
If someone has hurt me in some way, most of the time I have a hard time letting them know because I don’t want to cause any issues. Little do I realize, not sharing my true feelings and openly communicating my needs and wants only backfires.
I want to live freely and not worry about what other people think. I want to be able to openly communicate what is on my mind without fear that I will be rejected or that it will start some terrible argument. I want to be able to express myself confidently.
I know this goal may sound silly to some because most people do not have trouble being who they are and saying what is on their minds. Somewhere down the line, I chose to walk around hiding my innermost feelings even though they begged me for an escape. Somewhere down the line, I lost who I was. I made a promise to myself that I will speak only kind words and love towards myself and that I will always openly share what is in my heart.
How My Goal is Going
I have done fairly well in implementing my goal. I keep having to remind myself to keep communication open and sometimes I still catch myself filtering my thoughts, but I am working very hard to reach my goal of living an authentic life. There’s no more allowing my voice to not be heard because I am afraid of the aftermath, there is no more walking around with a smile on my face pretending that everything is okay to avoid getting on someone’s bad side. I am true to myself.
I am no longer letting my fear of rejection or losing someone that I love be what stops me from being true to myself. I have learned one too many times that lack of communication will most likely end in a failed relationship. Unspoken words lead to grudges, which leads to distance between two people. True and stable relationships will be able to weather the storms in life. I have learned the value of communication.
Question for You
As with many life changes, implementing a goal to alter yourself or your life is not an easy task. It’s human nature to be creatures of habit and to want to stick to a life of comfort and things that are known to us. We crave stability and familiarity even though this does not help us grow.
If you would like to share, what is your current goal in life? What steps are you taking to reach your goal? Life is all about learning to find what works for you and what makes you happy. Life is all about discovering ourselves and trying to pass the greatest test that we will ever be faced with. Whatever you are desiring and working on, I wish you all the best as you try to reach your goal!