Tag: Advice

Debating on Whether to Reach Out

A few years ago, I was working with a large group of people. We all became like a family. Our job in the medical field was a tough one and that lead to many stressful days and burnout. We were there to support each other and build each other up. Due to the stress of the job, we also dealt with several strong emotions and conflicts with each other.

Despite the ups and downs of this “family,” working here was one of my favorite experiences and one of my favorite jobs. I met so many beautiful souls and I still keep in touch with many of them today. They have changed my life and shown me what true support and friendship are. There is, however, one individual that I lost contact with, and it’s been on my mind since if I should try to reach out one last time.

Here’s the Story

One of the young ladies that worked there became one of my closest friends, we will call her Sara. She would often call me “sister”. So many people often made comments that we look alike, which made the name even more endearing. We always had each other’s backs and were there to support each other through the stress, trials, challenges, tears, and joy.

We kept each other up to date on our lives and I felt like someone understood me. I felt that she was a true friend, and I was so thankful. We were both dealing with major life changes, and we knew that we could rely on each other for support and laughter to get us through.

A few years ago, I had to leave this job unexpectedly due to a life circumstance. I was so sad to leave, and I was especially sad to leave behind my work family. At the same time, I was relieved to not have so much stress in my life from this job. Sara was sad to see me leave because we were partners in crime. She then transferred over to a different department within the company. We remained in touch for a few years.

A Change

I noticed that Sara was becoming more distant and taking a long time to respond to my messages. I chalked it up to her being busy and didn’t think much of it. She would check in with me to see how I was doing and what was going on with my life, but she didn’t want to talk about hers. It dawned on me that maybe something wasn’t right. I asked her how she was doing and that I noticed that she was acting differently. She told me that she was “trying to keep her depression away.” I sent her a comforting message letting her know that I was there for her if she wanted to talk and then I gave her some space.

I decided to send Sara a message about a month after this just saying that I was thinking of her, however, she never responded. I waited for a few weeks and just sent a message saying hello, but no response. Considering the last thing that she told me was that she was trying to keep her depression at bay, naturally, I was very concerned. I know that she is at least physically okay, but mentally I am not sure because she never responded.

My Thoughts

I have dealt with depression on and off since my teenage years. It has reached a definite low point, but for the most part, I am fairly functional. I have taken great steps in the last several years that have helped me live a much happier life but feeling down still creeps in from time to time. I know with some people that the mere act of getting out of bed is too much, I have heard of the ways that depression can be absolutely debilitating. I still have a burning question in the back of my mind.

Do I reach out? Not answering my text is an answer, however, given the circumstances, it’s hard to know what to do. You want someone to know that you are there for them, but you don’t want to cross the line. I have noticed that sometimes those struggling with depression appreciate the nudge and the fact that someone cares enough about them even when they don’t necessarily feel like talking. Others want to be left alone. It’s a fine line to walk. I would appreciate any advice from others who may have been in a similar situation. It has been a few months and no word from Sara. 

Possibly this is a friendship that has ended, or maybe when she’s feeling better it will pick up where it left off…only time will tell.

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Writing Rut? I Hope This Helps

When I first started blogging, I wondered how in the world I would come up with enough topics to write about. I remember thinking to myself that if I had kept going for years, wouldn’t I run out of things to say?

I have been blogging on WordPress for four years and on Medium for only six months. In those four years on WordPress, I have experienced writer’s block a few times. I had to take a break from WordPress for several months a while ago after some things happened in my life. After this, I then vowed to keep going strong no matter what life threw at me and I have ever since!

My Thoughts 

Usually, I have so many thoughts and ideas that I can’t get them down fast enough. I typically write down a title and a brief description so that I don’t forget what I wanted to say. I then attach a picture and save this in my drafts.

There are times, however, when my mind is blank, and I cannot come up with anything to write about. Often this happens when I am tired or very stressed out. If I am experiencing a lot of anxiety or I am not in a great mood, that truly affects how clear my mind is and it can make writing very difficult. There are several things that I do to get my thoughts flowing again. Here are some ways that I get ideas for my next blog posts!

Coming Up with Ideas

  • Think of past life experiences
  •  Write about your thoughts and feelings
  •  Ponder over questions that you have about life
  •  Sit in nature and let creativity find you
  •  Be inspired by comments that others are sharing
  •  Reading other stories often trigger a story idea of your own
  •  Write about daily happenings in your life
  •  What can you teach the world?
  •  Let us hear about an interesting or odd experience

Get Started!

Most importantly get started! Pick up a pen or get out your laptop and let your mind wander and take you somewhere. If all else fails, if you have older work that you haven’t published for the world to see, you can get that out in the open. You never know who might be needing to see your story!

I truly hope that you have found at least one of these tips helpful! As writers, we go through many seasons, some full of thoughts and others where we become quieter and more introspective. It’s important to listen to our bodies, but also know when to keep following our passion. An idea will come to you sooner or later and you will be on your way again!

You May Be Carrying More Than You Need To

Many years ago, I was at work, and one of my coworkers, who we will call Vanessa, came up to me and said that she noticed that I wasn’t my usual cheery self. She then proceeded to ask me if I was okay.

I told her that I was feeling stressed and sad because of some things that were happening. My coworker asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I began telling her what was on my mind.

We Talked 

I remember telling Vanessa that my friend, cousin, and another loved one were all going through a really hard time. I told her what each individual was dealing with and then she looked at me. Vanessa’s response was a shock to me.

Vanessa told me that she understood why I was upset that my loved ones were not in the best place in life, but what she surprisingly said was “none of these things are happening to YOU.” I can still remember where we were standing because it hit me with such a huge realization after she told me. She was right, I was feeling so stressed and sad over things that weren’t even happening to me, yet I was taking on such heavy emotions as if there were.

I Am an Empath

I feel the energy and emotions of others around me very deeply. Oftentimes, if someone is going through something, I will feel their emotions as if I was the one experiencing it. As you can imagine, this is very exhausting. Life is hard enough, and we need to have enough resources to take care of ourselves and our lives.

Reminder

It is very important to take a step back when you are offering support and a listening ear to your loved ones. It is very important to offer them love and understanding and it is also very important that you can help someone else without becoming so involved in the other person’s experience or problem, that you take it on as your own.

Keeping yourself available to others is part of helping humanity, it is important to remember to keep yourself separate. We all have many battles that we fight in life daily and taking on additional worries and stress that do not belong to us only acts as a disservice to ourselves and those around us.

I’ll Never Forget

These words will forever be in my mind, and I am so thankful to Vanessa for making this observation and for being brave enough to tell me. Being able to separate myself and my issues from someone else and theirs is still difficult, however, I realize that I need to be a helper in those types of situations instead of someone who takes on the problem as well.

I love when other people can share an observation that they made to help us grow as a person. We may overlook things in our lives and sometimes what is overlooked is profound.

Every person that we meet teaches us something and Vanessa taught me to be a strong support system for my loved ones. She taught me instead of carrying someone else’s burden, that I can be sympathetic and offer love and be the strong person that they need me to be.

Leave What Cannot Be Undone

How many things are you currently worried about that cannot be changed? For many of us, it is quite a few things. We may be dwelling on a decision that we made, or regret some of our past behaviors. As hard as it is to not worry, analyze, and overthink the past, it is so necessary for our well-being and to be able to move forward.

As much as we may wish, our energy both physically and mentally is not infinite. We must take great care to preserve our energy and save it for things in our lives that truly require every bit of energy that we have left.

When we worry about things that happened in the past, we are using our precious energy on something that truly cannot be changed, it cannot be undone. I’m sure that you can count many times that you have said something like “I wish I didn’t leave my job,” or” I wish that I could go back in time and redo a certain relationship.”

Living in the Past

When we live in the past instead of the present, we are robbing ourselves of energy that we could be taking to solve problems and deal with life in the here and now. The past cannot be changed, what is done is done and I know that is very hard to accept sometimes but accepting that fact and also being able to leave what cannot be undone in the past is so important.

We could spend countless hours of our lives thinking we could have, would have, should have and although it can be a stress-reliever to overthink and analyze these thoughts, it serves us no purpose, it does not keep us from moving forward, it does not allow us to make good decisions now that will shape our more desired future.

Often, I find myself thinking of the past, how I would change certain things about it, and how I would have done things differently, yet if I spend all of my energy focusing on what I cannot change, I am wasting precious moments of my life where I can make a difference. As hard as it is, leave the past in the past. It is a part of you, but it does not define you, nor does it deserve any energy from you.

My Best Advice

Worrying about something that you can’t change is very common human behavior, however, it will get you nowhere. When you find yourself slipping into thinking about things that you are not able to change, then acknowledge that you are feeling a certain way and then let it go. Remind yourself that you are focusing on working towards things in your life that you currently have the power to influence.

Whatever you are worrying about today, know that things tend to happen for a reason, things happen for life to fall into place, and things happen for you to grow as a person, whatever you are worrying about today, know that the past is in the past and the present needs your attention. Though difficult, may this be a gentle reminder to put your thoughts, time, and energy into what you can control. Many blessings to you all!

What I Learned by Going Against Advice

I, like many of us, think that I know what is best for myself. In the majority of cases, we probably do, however, there are times when we think that we know what is best for us and it may not necessarily be.

Many years ago, I had finished college and earned my degree and I stumbled across another program that interested me and was a way to even further my knowledge and my career. I studied hard day after day, passed my prerequisite exams, and applied to the program. It was a long wait to find out if I had been accepted or not.

The day had finally come, and I opened up the letter to find out that I was accepted! I was over the moon excited, and I couldn’t believe it. After a lot of preparations and arrangements, I made it all happen and made it to my first day of this new college program.

The Advice That I Was Given

The professor gave us an overview of the program, expectations, the schedule, and a bit about what we could look forward to and learn. I took it all in, excited as could be, notebook in hand, and then the professor left us with some advice.

She looked around at each of us as if to make her point very clear. The professor let us know that she had been doing this for many years and she told us that the students who succeed are the ones that work together to learn and involve each other every step of the way.

How I Felt

I am all about teamwork, I thrive working with others and I find that it is a great learning experience for everyone involved. The more minds that share, the more knowledge and ways of viewing things can be obtained. Surprisingly, my thoughts did not align with hers.

Despite my tendency to be one of the team, with all of us being in this program together learning new information, I decided that while I would make friends and at some points work with others, I wanted to learn most of this material solo. I wanted to be able to focus without distraction and I was worried that some of the information could be misconstrued if all of us were throwing out ideas.

Big Mistake

I watched the other students meet before and after class, they had regular meetings and hands-on activities to help them learn. I did most of my studying at home and sometimes during breaks on campus.

I thought that since I already had another degree, this one would be easier this time around. I was confident that I could do this alone, even though it might be a struggle. Time went on and I watched my confidence, my grades, and my health decline.

I started becoming so fatigued from pushing myself that I could barely function. My brain was not able to take in any more information, because I was on overload. I wasn’t able to piece the information together as it kept building and building. I felt myself slipping, how could this have happened?

I Wish That I Had Listened to the Advice

I was very upset and looking back I remembered the professor clearly saying that this was the type of program where we all needed to work together. I wished that I had listened, I regretted not following through with her advice.

I felt that I knew myself better than anyone else did, but this situation proved me wrong. I couldn’t believe that this was my reality, but I was determined to make it work.

It Was Too Late

I joined some of the study groups that my friends in the program were in, I started the hands-on practices, stayed late at school to study with my peers and even ate dinner there some nights. I tried my very hardest to follow every instruction that my professor originally asked that we do.

Sadly, despite all of my efforts to turn this around, it was too late. My grades were fine; however, my health was not. Due to the stress of the program, both my mental and physical health declined, and I had no choice but to withdraw myself from the program. I was in good academic standing, so I was told by professors that I was able to come back again if I chose to do so.

Little did I know, many series of events took place after this program that would have made it almost impossible to have done anything with the certificate even if I had reached the end. It was a blessing in disguise. I also walked away with a valuable lesson.

What I Learned

Sometimes we don’t know what is best for ourselves. We should listen to the advice of others carefully, we may choose to take it, or we may not, but we shouldn’t be so quick to brush it off for it may have incredible value.

We are usually better in numbers. As human beings, we are meant to be together, to help each other, support each other, and learn from each other. If I had stuck with a group from the very beginning, then I possibly could have made it through. We need each other, it is as simple as that.