Leave What Cannot Be Undone

How many things are you currently worried about that cannot be changed? For many of us, it is quite a few things. We may be dwelling on a decision that we made, or regret some of our past behaviors. As hard as it is to not worry, analyze, and overthink the past, it is so necessary for our well-being and to be able to move forward.

As much as we may wish, our energy both physically and mentally is not infinite. We must take great care to preserve our energy and save it for things in our lives that truly require every bit of energy that we have left.

When we worry about things that happened in the past, we are using our precious energy on something that truly cannot be changed, it cannot be undone. I’m sure that you can count many times that you have said something like “I wish I didn’t leave my job,” or” I wish that I could go back in time and redo a certain relationship.”

Living in the Past

When we live in the past instead of the present, we are robbing ourselves of energy that we could be taking to solve problems and deal with life in the here and now. The past cannot be changed, what is done is done and I know that is very hard to accept sometimes but accepting that fact and also being able to leave what cannot be undone in the past is so important.

We could spend countless hours of our lives thinking we could have, would have, should have and although it can be a stress-reliever to overthink and analyze these thoughts, it serves us no purpose, it does not keep us from moving forward, it does not allow us to make good decisions now that will shape our more desired future.

Often, I find myself thinking of the past, how I would change certain things about it, and how I would have done things differently, yet if I spend all of my energy focusing on what I cannot change, I am wasting precious moments of my life where I can make a difference. As hard as it is, leave the past in the past. It is a part of you, but it does not define you, nor does it deserve any energy from you.

My Best Advice

Worrying about something that you can’t change is very common human behavior, however, it will get you nowhere. When you find yourself slipping into thinking about things that you are not able to change, then acknowledge that you are feeling a certain way and then let it go. Remind yourself that you are focusing on working towards things in your life that you currently have the power to influence.

Whatever you are worrying about today, know that things tend to happen for a reason, things happen for life to fall into place, and things happen for you to grow as a person, whatever you are worrying about today, know that the past is in the past and the present needs your attention. Though difficult, may this be a gentle reminder to put your thoughts, time, and energy into what you can control. Many blessings to you all!

What I Learned by Going Against Advice

I, like many of us, think that I know what is best for myself. In the majority of cases, we probably do, however, there are times when we think that we know what is best for us and it may not necessarily be.

Many years ago, I had finished college and earned my degree and I stumbled across another program that interested me and was a way to even further my knowledge and my career. I studied hard day after day, passed my prerequisite exams, and applied to the program. It was a long wait to find out if I had been accepted or not.

The day had finally come, and I opened up the letter to find out that I was accepted! I was over the moon excited, and I couldn’t believe it. After a lot of preparations and arrangements, I made it all happen and made it to my first day of this new college program.

The Advice That I Was Given

The professor gave us an overview of the program, expectations, the schedule, and a bit about what we could look forward to and learn. I took it all in, excited as could be, notebook in hand, and then the professor left us with some advice.

She looked around at each of us as if to make her point very clear. The professor let us know that she had been doing this for many years and she told us that the students who succeed are the ones that work together to learn and involve each other every step of the way.

How I Felt

I am all about teamwork, I thrive working with others and I find that it is a great learning experience for everyone involved. The more minds that share, the more knowledge and ways of viewing things can be obtained. Surprisingly, my thoughts did not align with hers.

Despite my tendency to be one of the team, with all of us being in this program together learning new information, I decided that while I would make friends and at some points work with others, I wanted to learn most of this material solo. I wanted to be able to focus without distraction and I was worried that some of the information could be misconstrued if all of us were throwing out ideas.

Big Mistake

I watched the other students meet before and after class, they had regular meetings and hands-on activities to help them learn. I did most of my studying at home and sometimes during breaks on campus.

I thought that since I already had another degree, this one would be easier this time around. I was confident that I could do this alone, even though it might be a struggle. Time went on and I watched my confidence, my grades, and my health decline.

I started becoming so fatigued from pushing myself that I could barely function. My brain was not able to take in any more information, because I was on overload. I wasn’t able to piece the information together as it kept building and building. I felt myself slipping, how could this have happened?

I Wish That I Had Listened to the Advice

I was very upset and looking back I remembered the professor clearly saying that this was the type of program where we all needed to work together. I wished that I had listened, I regretted not following through with her advice.

I felt that I knew myself better than anyone else did, but this situation proved me wrong. I couldn’t believe that this was my reality, but I was determined to make it work.

It Was Too Late

I joined some of the study groups that my friends in the program were in, I started the hands-on practices, stayed late at school to study with my peers and even ate dinner there some nights. I tried my very hardest to follow every instruction that my professor originally asked that we do.

Sadly, despite all of my efforts to turn this around, it was too late. My grades were fine; however, my health was not. Due to the stress of the program, both my mental and physical health declined, and I had no choice but to withdraw myself from the program. I was in good academic standing, so I was told by professors that I was able to come back again if I chose to do so.

Little did I know, many series of events took place after this program that would have made it almost impossible to have done anything with the certificate even if I had reached the end. It was a blessing in disguise. I also walked away with a valuable lesson.

What I Learned

Sometimes we don’t know what is best for ourselves. We should listen to the advice of others carefully, we may choose to take it, or we may not, but we shouldn’t be so quick to brush it off for it may have incredible value.

We are usually better in numbers. As human beings, we are meant to be together, to help each other, support each other, and learn from each other. If I had stuck with a group from the very beginning, then I possibly could have made it through. We need each other, it is as simple as that.

Dreading Something? Read This

There are many things in life that we go through. Some good, some bad, and some in-between. As human beings, we deal with many different emotions as we process the world around us.

One of the many uncomfortable emotions is dread. In other words, when we feel anxious or worried, it can take a toll on us and prevent us from living our best life. It can even impact how we view the world and the decisions that we make.

Are You Dreading Something?

You may be dreading an upcoming meeting, long-distance travel for a wedding, a doctor’s appointment, a difficult conversation with a loved one, or a project that you are due to start at work. Whatever it may be, feeling dread for a certain date or event to come around is a feeling that is tough to sit with.

As with many feelings, there are ways to help minimize the feeling of dread. There are ways that we can look at the feeling and the situations that evoke it to help us in life.

What Can We Do to Minimize Feeling Dread?

  • We can realize that feeling dread is just a feeling no matter how uncomfortable it is. We can sit with it, recognize it, acknowledge that it’s there, and then try to let it float away. A thought is just a thought, don’t give it too much power.
  • Analyze the situation. What could be the worst that happens if you have that conversation attend that meeting, and go to the doctor? This way you can see what is the worst that could happen. Often seeing this side can help minimize anxieties as we realize it isn’t as bad as it seems in our heads.
  • Look at the positives that could come from this situation. You might feel relief, and empowerment, you may feel stronger for having conquered your fear. You never know what you might discover or learn about yourself!

What To Remember

Oftentimes, the very thing that we have been dreading for days, weeks, months, or even longer ends up being so much better than we expected. Much of our worry and anxiety comes from things that haven’t happened yet, so the anticipation of an event or upcoming date on the calendar can send our minds spinning.

If you are dreading something that is coming up, as hard as it is, remember that it will pass. It may be uncomfortable and feel like a burden, but you will get through it, and it will pass just as everything else that you have gone through in life. Here is a little motivation to get you through a trying time, you can do this!

Something Else to Chase

Growing up, I was always the kind of girl that loved to make others laugh and smile. I wanted to see everyone happy, and I would do almost anything to make that happen. Ironically, fast-forward to my teenage years and I was relying on others to make me happy.

As I got older, especially as a teenage girl, I started to lack self-esteem, a reality that a lot of teenagers face. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I knew that I didn’t like the feeling and I was determined to make it disappear.

I started trying to make friends with other people hoping that would help me with my self-esteem. I started looking for ways that other people could bring me happiness because I couldn’t seem to find it myself.

At one point, I almost felt reliant on other people to feel any sort of peace. I felt like I needed constant contact from my friends. I would start feeling anxious and sad when I was away from my loved ones. I truly felt at that point in my life that my happiness depended on the people around me.

I felt like a chaser. Sometimes people were there and sometimes not.
My mood would fluctuate according to this, and I was tired of relying on this unpredictable way of feeling peace.

When I became older, I was wiser and able to realize that happiness and self-worth need to come from within. While other people do bring lots of joy, it needs to start from the inside. True happiness cannot be obtained if you aren’t happy when you look in the mirror.

With this new knowledge, I started doing everything that I could to promote my happiness and sense of well-being. I started a gratitude journal, I started painting and writing, and I found other ways that made me happy like nature walks. I looked at myself in the mirror every morning and said one thing that I liked about myself. I watched my self-esteem and happiness soar.

It is natural to look to others for happiness and a boost of confidence but finding that within yourself is the greatest gift and will help you see the world around you in a different light. You will feel more in control of your well-being. I used to chase people and now I chase my dreams and goals!

Sitting Stationary

I was having a conversation the other day with one of my long-time friends. We were catching up and seeing how each other was doing. She let me know that she was stressed at work and felt that her job was overwhelming, and her relationship was nothing that she desired it to be.

I’d like to think of myself as a really good friend. I am loyal as anything, and I have a lot of love to give. I enjoy helping other people and being there for them with a listening ear or helping hand. I listened to her intently and offered my sincere support and advice when asked. There is one thing that I suggested, it was not meant to be harsh, but to be helpful and get her out of sitting stationary.

What if I were to tell you that I have had this conversation more times than I can count with this particular friend? What if I were to tell you that she has had this job for several years and talks about wanting to leave regularly? What if I were to inform you that the relationship that she is in has been around for many, many years?

I never tire of listening to others, everyone has a right to say what they are feeling and to be heard and understood and no matter how many times we have had this conversation, I will still always be there for the people that I love. I made a particular suggestion to this friend that has reminded me of a few things.

First, let me tell you what I suggested to her. I let my friend know that these subjects are something that she has talked about often and that for her to feel happiness and peace, she will need to make a change. Is change scary? Yes, it certainly is, but so necessary if we want our lives to become all that we want them to be.

Anytime that we are unhappy with certain aspects of our lives, or just unhappy in general, a change is needing to be made. If we feel like our relationship has gone south, we must take the necessary steps to communicate and try to repair it if at all possible, if our job is causing us more harm than good, then we need to find a way to either manage the stress or move on to another position that better suites us.

Sometimes we are afraid when we try to implement change. We don’t know what the outcome will be, we don’t know if the change is what we truly want, and we also have trouble thinking of what sort of sacrifices we must make to make our dream a reality.

Venting your feelings is one thing and it is a necessary thing, however, putting action towards those things is an even bigger step. I let my friend know that as hard as it may be and as many sacrifices that may have to be made, if she desired true happiness and freedom from these two things weighing her down, she needed to do something about it.

We have one life to live and one chance to make it everything that we have ever hoped for. We have one life to seek and obtain our goals, and to strive for happiness and balance. Anything that you desire will take a lot of effort on your part, but the result will be so worth it.

It’s hard feeling stuck in life, I’ve been there so many times, but it’s equally as hard not feeling like you can do anything about it. You have the power to change your life and to stop feeling like life is stationary, there’s no better time than now, start today!