I Looked for True Love

When we were young, we had thoughts of how our lives would pan out. Maybe we dreamed of college, a job, marriage, and a family. Possibly we wanted to travel the world and start our own business.

Whatever our goals and plans were, we probably didn’t see foresee that some of our plans wouldn’t happen or would happen in ways that we never expected.

My Dream

As a young girl, I dreamed of getting married and starting a family. Being a mom was all that I had ever wanted, and I am incredibly thankful to be one today. Finding true love was another one. This is where I pause.

I have always been pretty unlucky in love. I have found myself in the oddest and most uncomfortable situations and met some very ungenuine people. I have my faults too and I am working on them, I truly feel that it takes two to make a relationship work.

My biggest fault is that I don’t fully communicate my thoughts and feelings. I would rather save someone’s feelings, but in the end, it only makes things much worse.

The Old Saying

They say that you find love when you aren’t looking. They say that love will find you at the right time. I believe both of these to be true. No matter the stress and impatient feelings, I know that timing is everything and I believe that what is meant to be will always find its way.

When I was a few years younger than I am now, I would constantly look for love. Where was my soulmate? Where was the person that was created to be with me? Why is he so hard to find? Thoughts of how unlucky I was in love never left my mind.

I looked for love everywhere. I looked at Church, in the grocery store, walking through the neighborhood, and at the gym, I even turned to online dating. I met some people here and there, but it never moved past the first few dates or so. We just weren’t a match and I had to be okay with that. Many times, I was looking for something more than the other person was. I wanted a serious relationship; I wasn’t looking for anything casual.

A Realization 

One day it hit me why some of my relationships didn’t work out, why “the one” hasn’t shown himself to me. One day it hit me why love didn’t find me no matter how hard I tried. There was one simple yet complicated answer. I had to love myself first.

I spent many years looking for someone to make me whole and complete me. I looked high and low for someone who I could spend my life with. Someone who would genuinely love me for who I am, faults and all. That person doesn’t exist, it is up to me to feel whole and complete. A partner can only add to the base that is already there. In my case, there wasn’t much of a base.

I knew that I had to make some changes. I had to love myself so that I could fully give myself to someone else. I just started working on this several months ago. I haven’t made as much progress as I had hoped, but slowly I am trying to change that. I speak positive affirmations as I look in the mirror, I try to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself.

I am doing the best that I can. I am human, I have faults and I will never be anywhere close to perfect, but I still deserve to love myself to the fullest. It’s a hard task, but it’s very important to me. I hope that one day, loving myself first will create a foundation that true love can build on.