Recently, one of my very best friends decided to withhold something from me, something significant from her life that typically I would have been the first person that she shared this with, but I wasn’t. To say that I was upset is an understatement.
We have known each other for half of our lives, and we have been through so much together. She is an open book, sharing anything and everything, however, I am the more reserved one that shares only what I am comfortable sharing. I admire her for being able to be so real and open.
We would like to think of our friends as those that will always be there by our sides, ones that always have our best interest in mind, however, this is sometimes not the case.
There is a need for us to evaluate whether or not the betrayal was on purpose or something that we perceived as a betrayal. In my case with the situation above, it was a perceived betrayal, I don’t think that my best friend meant to harm me in any way by withholding information, but it hurt, nonetheless.
I believe that a lot of times feeling hurt and betrayed comes from expectations, which I suppose is why there is advice on keeping expectations low. I felt like because we always share everything and because she is my best friend that I expected to know. Truth is, she is not obligated to tell me. Low expectations can help prevent hurt feelings and disappointment.
With the given title of best friend, or even friend, we may have expectations that we should be told everything, however, it is completely up to us as individuals to decide how much to share and when. Knowing that we have always shared things, I expected that the information that I learned would have been shared with me and I suppose that’s where I went wrong. Nobody owes us anything regardless of status.
The Hurt Remains
Despite this, the hurt lives on. I am still shocked that I was not filled in regarding this information and the fact that it was withheld from me is upsetting and makes me question where I stand with my best friend.
The best thing to do in this type of situation and honestly most situations is to communicate. There is so much that can be learned and solved by communicating. Oftentimes there is some sort of misunderstanding or personal reasons behind someone’s actions and choices.
When the timing is right, my next step is to have a discussion and communicate my feelings. I am hoping to discover the reasons why my best friend withheld such important information from me.
Take time to communicate and find out answers to your questions, take time to process your emotions and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Just because we don’t see a valid reason why someone acts the way that they do, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.
Most of the time proper communication can solve or at the very least lessen hurt feelings. If two people are compatible and capable of a lasting friendship, then sitting down and talking it out is sometimes all that is needed. Communication truly is the basis of everything, sometimes we overlook its importance!
2 thoughts on “Processing Betrayal From Friends”
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Communication goes a long way. To be honest, I still struggle with that aspect personally. My most recent achievement has been to sit down with negative feelings and embrace the hurt. This post inspired me to work on the next stage which is communication 🥰 I hope you two can sort it out together.
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Thank you so very much, Vanessa. We sound so much alike, I have the same issue that I’m working on. In fact I have a blog post scheduled for today on this. I wish you the best on your journey. Every time we show up, we can help change our ways. I believe in you!