Make it Right

Is there something that you have on your conscience? Is there a habit that you have that weighs on you because you can’t seem to make a change that could lead to a happier life?

As we go through life, we accumulate many experiences. These memories stay etched in our minds. Some situations that we have encountered in life leave us with unpleasant memories. Maybe it was a relationship with someone, the way that we left an old job, or maybe we have a habit of not being honest with ourselves and it leaves us feeling angry and disconnected.

Observations

In my life lately, I have been hyperaware of what causes me to feel anything unpleasant. I note what makes me feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused. As human beings, we don’t like the feeling of pain and unhappiness and we usually will go to great lengths to make sure that we stay feeling content.

For everything that makes me upset, I try to “make it right,” so that it has no more room in my head or my heart. I observe my thoughts and what seems to weigh on me the most. I try to look at a particular trigger or situation from every angle.

If the remedy lies in someone else’s hands, then it can be a little more difficult, but we can make peace with ourselves and offer forgiveness. If we have done something out of character and it is weighing on us, we can apologize and right our wrongs so that we can let it go from our conscience.

Lately

I noticed that as I try to make things right that cause me pain, a huge weight is lifted off of me. Even if I make them right in my own mind or heart, it offers me freedom and peace. It gives me hope that I can approach future situations and people in my life in a different manner.

Much of what we go through in life can be much less stressful with a more helpful mindset. If we can stop taking things too personally (I am so guilty of this) and if we can forgive others and forgive ours, life could be a little bit easier. As I work on addressing things in my life that don’t serve me or make me happy, I realize that my mindset is everything.

Forgiveness and Apologies

To my ex who caused me a lot of pain, I forgive you and I also apologize for hurting you with my lack of communication. To the person who cut me off abruptly while driving, I forgive you because I don’t know what you are going through, it isn’t personal, because you don’t even know me. To my old friend who ghosted me, the pain is real. I would love to know why, but I will have to create peace in my own heart. To the friend that I hurt unintentionally, I am forever sorry, and I should have handled things better.

Life is hard enough, if there is any part of it that we can make easier, it helps a lot! Think of things that are currently weighing you down and see if there is any way that you can make these situations “right.” Easier said than done, but sometimes all it takes is an apology or forgiveness. We can feel so much lighter!

Advertisement

The Problem with an Idle Mind

In my life, I have gone through several periods where I was not working, and I spent most of my time at home secluded from the outside world. These times occurred during a serious illness that I had and also when I was in-between jobs.

I remember clearly when the four walls around me were my best friends. I spent day and night at home. My favorite thing to do was watch TV, I wanted to get lost in someone else’s reality. Being on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket was all that I wanted to do. I had family and friends around, but I craved being alone…even though it wasn’t good for me.

Memories

I remember having way too much time to think. I recall hearing my friends talk about a long day at work, or not being able to see my loved ones very much because they were busy working and with their families. There I was with nothing but time on my hands. There I sat with a very idle mind.

A mind that is not busy can get one in so much trouble. We can invent problems that are not even there. I remember replaying a lot of events and conversations in my past. I remember wanting to redo parts of my life. I would analyze everything, and I found my mind wandering to places that I didn’t want to go. It can truly be detrimental to be alone with your thoughts. Too much idle time can cause stress and negative emotions.

Today

Fast-forward to today. I am a busy mom with young children. I have a lot of responsibilities and my schedule is jam-packed every day. From sunup to sundown, there is something to do with hardly any alone time or downtime in between. It’s funny how life can change like that. In the blink of an eye, situations and life circumstances can change drastically.

Nowadays, I don’t really have much time to think. I am constantly focused on what I need to do at any given moment. I am an overthinker and a deep thinker. I often get lost in brief moments of thought, but I can’t stay there for long. Late night and early morning are my moments of reflection.

Being busy has downsides, it can cause one to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. We strive for a delicate balance that we don’t often find. Given the downsides to being busy, there are some perks that I have found to be very helpful.

The Opposite 

A busy mind doesn’t have much room to wander and think. It doesn’t have time to think of past regrets, failed relationships, and all of the “what ifs.” A busy mind has less of a chance to become astray.

There is currently a lot going on in my life at the moment and the other day, I went out and spent some fun quality time with my family. The daily stresses and worries didn’t even cross my mind. Of course, they have come up again in thought, but while I was out and busy, all that I was focused on was my family and all of the fun that we were having. This is why staying busy in some way is so important!

Have A Conversation

Spring has arrived. The weather has been up and down as usual for spring. We had a really warm day a few days ago and I took my kids outside to play. Nature is amazing and so healing, we spend as much time outside as possible.

My neighbor who we will call, Jenny, was out with her children as well and we got them together to play for a while. As they played, we talked. Jenny is an incredibly kind soul and a very genuine person. I feel so blessed that we are neighbors. Our children are all very young and close in age, which makes for a lot of fun.

Some other parents may know how challenging it can be raising little ones. It is an absolute joy, but it comes with its challenges for sure. Jenny and I can openly communicate our feelings and concerns about motherhood or certain childhood behaviors and situations.

We Aren’t Alone

It’s always refreshing to talk to her because I don’t feel so alone. It melts the stress away by realizing that we and many others are in this together and doing the best that we can. Had I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, I may have not gotten the chance to realize that all that I am experiencing and going through is “normal.” I don’t like that term too much because I don’t think there is such a thing, it’s a very broad spectrum. My main point in all of this is that we can see that we aren’t alone in this life journey.

Experiences 

Have you ever had the feeling that you are so different from everyone? Maybe you feel like no one can relate to you, or that no one truly understands where you’re coming from and who you are.

Have you ever noticed how this can be wrong? Having conversations with others can really be very eye-opening. We realize that we are not alone. There are other people that think the way that we do, and there are other people that have gone through what we have.

Sure, we are all on a different journeys with unique struggles, but we are all human and we can relate to each other if given the chance. There have been things that I don’t want to bring up out of fear of being “alone,” but when someone else brings it up, it’s like “wow!” I cannot believe that this happened to you also. It’s also important to note that being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. We are all unique in our own ways, but we find comfort knowing that others can relate to us.

We are more alike than we are different. We all have different sides of us and experiences. Sometimes we may feel ashamed or embarrassed, and we don’t want to talk about certain things, but opening up and being vulnerable can really take a lot of stress off of us if we can find connections with others.

I’m Giving Instagram One Last Chance

I joined Instagram a few years ago when I created my first blog on WordPress. I wanted a space to post pretty pictures and connect my writing to them somehow. I love the concept of Instagram. I think it’s wonderful to share pictures and be able to write a caption to go with them. I have always enjoyed Instagram.

When I started Instagram, it was a slow start, but I was just learning the platform and it was good to take it slow. After almost a year, I noticed a lot more engagement and followers. I found a lot of connections within the writing community and many others. It was wonderful! I posted pictures of anything and everything, I especially loved nature photos.

Changes

Out of nowhere, my engagement started to dip, and it was hard to find writers and individuals in general that were still active on Instagram. As with anything, social media requires a lot of planning and time. Most of us are limited with time and we are spread thin. Time is gold!

I kept going strong with Instagram for a while and then I decided to stop posting and focus more on my blogging. I have been persistent with my writing, and I have the desire to try Instagram one more time.

A Fresh Start

Last night I archived all of my Instagram pictures. I want to have a fresh start and approach my account a little differently. I want to make it blog-specific instead of random photos and captions. I also want to focus on connecting my posts with Medium.

I haven’t fully thought everything out, but I do know that I want to give Instagram one last chance. I love the excitement of a new beginning. If it doesn’t end up being “worthwhile,” I will still keep my account, but I will stop posting pictures and just put my full focus into writing. I also have other social media accounts for my blog. It can be a lot to juggle multiple platforms, but I think everything is worth a try. Majority of my time goes into writing, but I do try to allocate time for social media. I think finding support and being supportive are very important.

Do you have any suggestions on how to revamp my Instragram feed? I am open to hearing what you have to say! Thank you!

Get Off of the Hamster Wheel

There’s a perfect description for when our minds don’t stop racing. We know it as the “hamster wheel.” One thought leads to another, and it just snowballs from there. Having your mind spinning constantly in circles can be a very uncomfortable feeling.

I have struggled with anxiety and OCD most of my life. I know the hamster wheel feeling all too well. My mind wanders when I have a moment of quiet in my day, which is few and far between. Usually, I am so busy these days that I don’t have much time to stop and think, but there are times, especially early in the morning and late at night when my mind wanders.

Application

We know that a body in motion stays in motion. This can also be true for the mind. When we are constantly thinking, our mind stays in motion and stopping is very hard to do! Rumination feels like it’s a good idea because we feel like maybe we will get somewhere or solve something, but this is quite the opposite. Repeatedly thinking thoughts causes a lot of stress and although it can feel like we can lessen anxiety by thinking things through, more often than not it causes more damage.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

 – Van Wilder

When our brain is in motion, it can be very hard to stop it. The wheel just keeps spinning over and over again. The energy used to think fuels more thoughts that fuel even more thoughts…it can be very distressing! There are two things that help me.

A Break

When my mind won’t stop going and thinking, I do the following to try to get it to stop:

  • I look around the room and I try to focus on different characteristics. For example, I try to find all of the red items, the objects in the room that are square, or really large items.
  •  I close my eyes and I focus on my breath. I notice how I breathe in slowly and exhale slowly. I just allow myself to be with no distractions. My breathing is the only thing that I focus on.

These small moments of mindfulness make all of the difference for me! I hope that if you find your mind not able to turn off that these two tricks will work for you as well.

Wishing you and I a quiet mind!